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How Do Men Love? How Do They FEEL When They Lose It?

Women are vocal about their feelings. When something upsets us, we find a girlfriend to talk to. We usually talk to all of our girlfriends because we know they'll listen, provide support, encouragement and if nothing else, a sounding board. Someone to vent to. It makes a huge difference. After we cry and rant and get all of the negative emotion out, we feel better.
What do men do? Do they cry? Sob? Talk to their friends and express their fears, hopes and vulnerabilities? The answer is, sometimes, yes they do. But not nearly as much as women.
In November of 2010, I was talking to a girlfriend about men. We discussed how men deal with a broken heart. We had our theories but it was a guessing game. She suggested that my next Reality Book should be about men and heartbreak. That I should interview them. The following December, I set out to do just that. I devised a questionnaire and put out the call for any willing participant.
By May 2011 my mother and writing partner, Ann Werner, and I had stories from thirty-eight men as well as observations of how men deal with lost love from psychics, therapists and bartenders. As the stories came in, I was always floored. These men were guaranteed anonymity and because of that, they felt safe to really share what goes on behind the veil.
The stories are all very different. Some men were dumped, some cheated on and some widowed. Some of these men have been fortunate enough to have moved on and are now in happy relationships. What I found particularly interesting is in explaining how they deal with heartbreak, they also provide a glimpse into how they love. How important love and family is to them. How often does a man really let it all hang out and describe the pain of lost love? No man has ever confided in me that way. They may say they were hurt but that's as far as they'll go. They feel the need to appear strong, even when all they want to do is curl up into a ball and hide under the covers. Society expects men to "suck it up" and that is a lot to keep inside.
There's a Marine who got a Dear John email while serving in Iraq. When that story came in, I read it to my mother and selected friends. The response from all the women was the same. "WHAT A BITCH!" One married man with two very young girls lost his wife in a car accident. Another was dumped because his fiancé got fake boobs. The stories are so varied; as varied as the men who sent them in.

On a spiritual level, we are all in search of love. We all have the desire to be loved and when we are scared and vulnerable, we need reassurance that it's going to be OK. Part of how we can get through a break-up or losing someone we love is the knowledge that we are not alone. We can learn and get through our own trials a bit easier when we understand how others deal with it.
Ain't No Sunshine: Men Reveal The Pain Of Heartbreak was created to help both men and women have a better understanding of what men go through. It's an informal collection of stories with no commentary from us. We don't claim to have "the answer" or offer advice. You can read the stories and take away what you will. Each story will affect every reader differently. We are not experts or doctors. We simply wanted to collect these stories and get them out into the world. There is no other book at all like it. It is our hope that it will help to enlighten women regarding the male psyche as well as provide a path of recovery for those men who have experienced the wrenching pain of heartbreak by letting them know that they are not alone.

Excerpts:
48 years old.
"...The problem was money. My wife and I could not afford to move out. Our money was tied up in the business and our home that had lost value and we had to figure out what to do. We decided to continue living together and tried to stay out of each other's way...

...I met Diane through a mutual friend at a dinner party. I was honest about my living situation but I made it clear I was interested in her and I wished to see her. She agreed to be my friend...After about six or seven months, we gave in and had sex. It was great...but then she pulled away...

...It took about seven or eight months before I was divorced, moved out and ready to go. I did what she asked. There were plenty of times when I wanted to call her and tell her I was moving out in three weeks---but she said she wanted me to be free. So I waited...

...When I contacted Diane, she seemed surprised and told me she was seeing another man..."

27 years old.
"...The breakup was so hard because it came out of the blue. I thought we were TOGETHER. I got COMFORTABLE! She ruined my world. I hate that the way I feel has anything to do with her. I want so much to get back with her. It's ALL I think about.

I sobbed, I drank, I sat alone all day on the weekend. I actually did call a psychic. She told me this woman was moving on and that she started seeing another guy. I was told that I should start dating again and that I will meet someone within a year...
...I am not over her. I found out she is seeing someone. I asked her about it and she confirmed it. SHE ACTUALLY HAD THE AUDACITY to ask my advice...


...I think the most embarrassing thing is how pathetic I am. I want her and she doesn't care about me. I'm not suicidal but I do feel desperate. WORST feeling ever!..."

76 years old
"...I met my Grace when I was in first grade...When we were fifteen, our school had a dance and I asked Grace. Fortunately for me, she agreed. This was a real coup as Grace was the first in our class to develop breasts and all of the boys wanted to go out with her. She was a great beauty...

...Five years ago, she was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor...Two months later I had to bury her and that was the most painful day of my life---harder than the day she passed...

...The next six months were the loneliest and coldest I have ever lived. Every night I would cry myself to sleep. Every morning I would wake up and feel I had nothing to live for. I begged God to take me...I just sat in my chair and mourned my great love...

 
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Read Two Stories:
Published Thursday, February 02, 2012 6:26 PM by Anne Temple

Comments

Thursday, February 02, 2012 7:07 PM by James Vitale

# re: How Do Men Love? How Do They FEEL When They Lose It?

Wow, that sounds like an awesome book, Anne!

How do I get a copy of it?
Friday, February 03, 2012 3:10 PM by Anne Temple

# re: How Do Men Love? How Do They FEEL When They Lose It?

Thank you James, Michelle and I were asked to give our insight as the psychic’s in this book
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