Some things seem pretty obvious to the casual observer. I mean, good sex is good sex, right? Wrong! The definition of sexual satisfaction (or satisfying sex) differs from person to person - and as we all know, the intricacies of intimacy can be pretty tricky! For instance, while your best friend may have had an experience they thought was hot, hot, hot, you could try the same thing and it may totally leave you cold.
What appeals to each of us in the bedroom (and beyond) stems from a combination of factors - some inherent (who knows why we like what we like sometimes!) and some based on what we've learned or been exposed to - or even how we've been socialized. In other words, to some degree or another, we're all the products of our environment. So how can you tell if the sex you're having is good?
1. How does it make you feel?
Above and beyond any analysis of what makes sex work, this is yet another instance where you need to trust your gut. It may sound simplistic - and rarely will a situation ever be this clear cut - but if you're crying before, during, after or about your sex life… there's likely a problem. On the other hand, if your partner makes you excited and you continue to desire them (and yes, maybe even have the occasional dirty thought that doesn't include them!), odds are there's something good going on under (or above!) the sheets.
2. Is your lover attentive?
Another measure of sexual experience is reciprocity. Partners rarely report mutual satisfaction if their activities are generally skewed toward one side's pleasure. If your lover misses your sweet spots in an effort to get themselves off on a regular basis… you probably want to address the situation. No one wants to feel left high and dry, and winding up that way often is a surefire sex staller.
3. Do you reciprocate?The first part of that paragraph - about your lover paying attention to you - mentions reciprocity. Now flip that thought, do you pay attention to your lover's turn-ons and triggers - and activate them however and whenever you can? Sometimes, we make the mistake of letting our own insecurities get in the way of giving (or receiving) in the bedroom, thinking it's only affecting our own experience. But that couldn't be less true. If you're so worried that your butt will look big, or some other part won't appear big enough, you're missing out on the truth. Your lover is not looking for perfection - they're looking to connect with you on some level (the depth of which, of course, is dependent on the circumstances of your relationship)… That is, at least, if you're having good sex.
4. Can you talk about it?
The number one way to keep things hot (or to heat them up if you're starting from scratch) is to foster open communication. While it may seem embarrassing to many of us, being able to say what you like in bed is the easiest way to get it. Plus, a little dirty talk never hurt anyone (yet its certainly helped a few couples). Secondly, you can't be upset when your lover can't read your mind… you can only hope that they're a good listener - and offer the same, ahem, services, in return!
In the end, the quality of your sex life is up to you - and what is hot one day may not be hot the next. Variety, after all, is the spice of life! All you really have to do to have a healthy sex life is listen, give, take and talk about it. It's really that simple.
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