NEGOTIATING CHOPPY WATERS
Negotiating Choppy Waters
Did you ever feel like you wanted to rip of the upper torso of your
honeydearest and give him a new head?? Does it feel that he is just
never listening
to you and goes on to auto-pilot the minute you start to complain?? who
HASNT!!
The the crucial element of"fighting fairly" in a relationship can be the
difference between
a night snuggling on the couch,and sleeping on the couch!
Fighting "fairly" can defuse an issue in seconds, if you know the
right formula...
1.It is always important to "own" your feelings and not
point the finger
of blame.
IE)" I feel sad when you are doing this.When you do that,I feel
abandoned,when you are talking like that I feel that you dont care.".
It makes a HUGE difference in the way that your partner hears you.Or
doesnt hear you.
Taking responsibility for your own feelings helps the other person hear
you,with
out feeling that you are blaming them.
2. One of my Spiritual Teachers spoke to me once about an
"evolved"
relationship.
He said,"Remember,there are no 'RIGHTS' or
'WRONGS' in a disagreement:
In reality,there are just DIFFERENCES OF OPINIONS. When you can see
the
other person as having a difference of opinion,instead of "wrong", you
can
then
NEGOTIATE from a position of RESPECTING the other
person.
This in turn will help you to be OPEN to negotiating a SOLUTION.
IE) " So you are saying you prefer to have our parents come another
night,
because you are feeling tired,and have to work. Lets see what we can
arrange".
Take the word "anger" out of your vocabulary. Instead,
replace it with one
or more of the following: fear, hurt or frustration.
Fear, hurt and
frustration are the three emotions that are always at the
root of anger.
(And remember:
don't use words like "steamed," "ticked
off" or "P.O'ed" in place of
"anger."
HAPPY
NEGOTIATING!
Auroealis