Arguments are OK
I’ll often get a call from someone telling me they are worried about the constant arguing and hostility in their relationship. No one wants hostility that’s for sure, and that needs attention. But I don’t think arguing deserves the bad press it gets.
Everyone argues. Well, everyone should. By arguing I mean an exchange whereby two people disagree. Actually, I worry more about the relationships that have no arguments at all – at least when people are arguing; they’re engaging one another and expressing how they feel about things. It worries me far more when people have a history of arguing and one or both simply opts out. That can signal the start of being completely detached, and that’s never a good sign.
The focus shouldn’t be on whether a couple argues or not, but how they argue. I know a couple that are a great example of good arguing. The two of them are constantly on at each other about something. To outsiders, it looks like an awful way to live. But most of the banter is good natured and humorous and is an integral part of how they relate to each other. Wouldn’t work for me, but the point is it does work for them. They have a close, loving relationship – they care deeply about each other.
Challenging each other and speaking your mind are positive things – no one should be quick to shut the other person down or negate their point of view. Everyone should watch their language and personal insults though. If people spent more time speaking about how they feel and what they want and far less time criticizing and telling the other what to do, fallout in arguments would be far less.
Humor is a great tool in an argument – keep it light. Sometimes I think the worst fallout from arguments is simply misinterpretation – getting the message wrong. When in doubt, assume the best and most of all – listen more than you speak.
Lighten up, I say. See the bigger picture. Arguments aren’t the end of the world or the end of the relationship. Sometimes we all just need to let off steam.
Melody “Lil Mel”
Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor
Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching
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