Maxine's Views on Life...
For those of you who don't know Maxine, she is a crabby, unsociable old woman, who lives all by herself with a nervous little dog named Floyyd.
Maxine spends all hours of the day (and occasionally the night) griping about things that most of us would love to gripe about, but don't think we could get away with.
She also has some good advice now and then...
Maxine on "Housework" "I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible."
Maxine on "Lawn Care" "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."
Maxine on "Aging" "Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a Margarita."
Other Quotes from Maxine:
"My hiar salon just turned into a day spa. Which, as far as I can tell, means they rub my scalp for a minute before cutting my hiar, and charging me double what I was paying before."
"Ever wonder why the first three lettters in the word diet, are:
DIE?"
"I used to have Saturday Night Fever. Now I just have saturday night hotflashes."
"I can't use a cellphone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures."
"I think everybody at the mall is about 50 percent off."
The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.
Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it.
If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your butt will get soaking wet.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
I have more, but will save those for another time...