THINGS REMEMBERED...
I remember parts of my past like they were five minutes ago. The parts that usually I wish to do over or go back and change. When I was younger I vowed when I was old I wouldn't have any regrets. Life isn't that simple. People die suddenly before you can tell them how important they were. Love escapes before it ever developed. One wrong sentence or lapse in judgement can cost you imeasurable valued ground or gain. There are so many places in the mind to wander and get stuck on. We fixate on outcomes we feel we are powerless to change. You were meant to walk these roads in life because they taught you to treasure and appreciate all forthcoming joys. Loss is humbling. It takes you from the highest high to the calmest introspective low. I changed many things after some of my sadness cleared from those I lost this year. It taught me to value my own life and time. I spent too little attention on myself. There is a common meaning of the word selfish and there is a spiritual version. Many teachings say we should be selfless. In some aspects this is true. However, there is positivity in placing focus on yourself. We as people seek love from outside sources. Always feeding others love and kindness hoping to see some in return. Many times we find disapointment or let-downs.
"I always do more for others than they do for me"
What if you did not extend your arms as far to others in hopes of receiving love? Rather just be giving and doting on YOU. We are taught to feel guilty about these things we are not supposed to charish ourselves it is vain or egotisical. Or is it? It depends on how you go about it. Finish this sentence:
"I deserve....."
Did you say to be loved? Who better than you and you can start right now! If you heal how you feel about yourself or the way you treat your body into believing and feeling loved and loving the others will come to you. For so many reasons we overlook ourselves and the first time we get hurt by others onward we store that in our body and if it happens over and over we become angry and unhappy inside usually finding a way to punish yourself or your body for being rejected or unloved by a source you gave so much time and energy to. Reel it all in for now and just give to you. This will attract love to you no need to go looking and harvesting it. People see you have "something different about you" or a new light in your eyes. It is all how you carry yourself. Or Care for yourself. Obviously if you have children you cannot reel it in but you can set aside some time to do something that you enjoy or enriches you. We were designed with everything we need including love. Somewhere along the way we learned it is shameful or morally wrong to be devoted to ourselves. All ills start here, all victories are won from the confidence you build here. It is square one. Humanity loves to focus on the negative don't we?
A perfect example:
The Cross and the death, rather than the life and teachings of Christ.
I don't want to get into a big spiritual conversation here but really many of the quiet joyous moments are forgotten to make room for playing up and focusing on dark or painful ones. We love to torture ourselves don't we? It can be a conscience choice not to do this anymore. Simply love yourself first. Let yourself off the hook for past mistakes. Stop getting stuck in one painful chapter of your life and choosing to live there. The rest of your life has been waiting for you to realize you no longer have to do this. Stop IT! When the thoughts arise you must override!
"Not today I will not go there now".
Or
"I am not doing that anymore"
We choose where we go emotionally. I will fight to live happy by any means I can if I have to fight internally first so be it. Life is so precious even in it's lowest points because you are learning and becoming anew. I would give anything to tell my love Bryan how special he was before he died but the reality is I did that many times and he didn't believe in the words I spoke. Only he could not see what all of us cannot forget. See the value others place on you. TRULY accept compliments.
See yourself the way you deserve to be.
Then others will follow.
~Dhyana~