Pearls of Wisdom

Affairs-Are They Really Worth It?

Affairs happen every day to all kinds of women.  Usually it's those who didn't seek it out, never expect it to happen-but it did.  It usually happens when women have been hurt so bad-they swear off 'dating' or think they may as well be alone the rest of their lives.  Sometimes dating a married man is a womans' way of 'coping' and healing herself-but also can become a way to avoid having to risk getting hurt again.  An affair with a married man may seem 'safe', even though the woman doesn't realize it's her way of not having to get involved again with a single man only to 'lose him'.   Married men tend to stay in a relationship with a single female-as long as a woman welcomes his companionship and sex.

It may start off as a simple friendship..  A cup of coffee after work or a few lunches alone.  Soon the woman is listening to this kind handsome man and becomes sympathic but anxious to listen to how miserable he is at home.   His wife is usually described as a non-caring woman, never touches him sexually, and does not do anything but complain about everything he does-even though he 'gives her everything'.   He may laugh about it-telling the woman don't 'feel sorry for him'.  He doesn't want sympathy.  Truthfully, he doesn't-even though it may sound that way.  He has found a single working female, may have a nice apartment or house, a new car-and always looks good.   She on the other hand, has found a handsome man, so what if he's married?  She isn't 'looking for love' anyway!   So over a period of weeks the two 'hook up'.  He starts dropping by maybe even unannounced-to say hi-his wife is gone to visit family.  Soon these two have already developed a form of 'intimacy'-they've talked about their lives-and are very much at ease now-feeling closer than 'friends'.  Over the next few days if there is a sexual attraction-they end up making love-(usually at 'her place' or elsewhere*).  The bond for the woman now is sexual, emotional and one she thinks is a 'soulmate' situation.  Surely this man will leave this woman as much as he's talked about how unhappy he is at home.  She continues to see him, he tells her after a while he 'loves her'-and she knows 'now' he is the 'one'!   What most women do not see is the fact this man cannot be her soulmate.  He has one.  Like her or love her-he still is married.   After many nights of passionate sex,  the woman begins to 'ask' if he's thought of leaving his wife ever?  After all, he does love HER now.  Surely he wants to be together 'forever'.   He nods, listens but says 'he has too much to lose' OR 'the kids are too young' OR 'one day we'll be together'...etc..etc..etc.

 A year goes by.  The woman is now anxious and frustrated waiting.  He still claims 'he loves her'.  Another year goes by and another. The point to this is-ONE day the woman sits and stares into the mirror and knows the truth.  This man won't ever leave the wife, the kids, the house, the car.   He's not her soulmate-and never was.  The saddest part of it-is she has to make a choice-continue the affair OR face the real world and take a risk again at HAVING a real relationship with a possible future!   Some women remain--but thank goodness--many women wake up one day and realize that her soulmate is still out there-waiting.  Do any of these men actually leave their wives for a mistress? YES.  BUT very few-and those that do marry the man who did leave usually wonder...will he cheat on ME one day too?  A sobering thought. Am I saying marriages that come out of an affair are wrong?  NO.  I just think women deserve to know affairs are a RISK- since the man did make a 'commitment' already.

Point of the of this blogpost-make SURE you want someone elses' husband-before you take him on.  You might find out it was a thrill for a 'while'.  Having an affair is always a personal choice-just be sure you are 100% positive it's the RIGHT one for you!  If you're unclear on what to do about having an affair-DON'T!   Some people would say 'ahhh,  but it's just an affair, ..'.  True--BUT it is also just an affair that affects peoples hearts and lives daily.