The Reality of Living Together
Today in this world a lot of couples decide to live together after months of dating. Some women feel it is time-think it means the 'man is commiting himself' on a more serious level-because he wants to share his apartment-or move in with them.
The woman is usually thrilled at the thought of sharing 'the household chores' and spending more intimate moments with her mate-and begins to feel he is taking a 'step-up' on an emotional level in the relationship. But is he really OR are there things a female should consider before sharing living quarters with her boyfriend or mate?
YES-most women do 'assume' that living together brings closer intimacy-for the man it is a 'step away' from the next one-meaning marriage down the road. The reality is that men don't really look at things the way most women do-meaning living together is a 'convenience'. To most men-it is a way to share everything with the female without PROMISING the relationship OR the living circumstances are 'forever'. In other words - there are no 'commitments' made-if the living circumstances don't 'work'-men know that they are free to walk out and move out as there are no 'legal ties' made versus getting married to the female. It is as if men do feel that 'if you please me in the living arrangements'--then MAYBE we will 'get married'. The cold reality is that we cannot please anyone 100% of the time--especially in living together! It makes living together an easy 'out' if the female partner doesn't 'measure up' to pleasing what the man wants-and easier for him to say goodbye-as there are NO legal ties. Let's face it - marriage in the eyes of SOME men--IS 'just a piece of paper' yes-BUT also one that 'obligates him to TRY to make a relationship work' or face the consequences of going through a divorce court proceeding which can cost him dearly. If the female doesn't please his desires or needs-and he doesn't like the living arrangements--without anything legal in paper tieing him to the relationship-it is far easier to walk out and just close the door and not look back. The concept of 'how GOOD you are to me while living together'-will determine 'if' I I want to STAY with you' can be very misleading-but it happens! This has left many a woman in tears-thinking just because he 'LIVED WITH ME'--he was 'obligated to STAY-and try to make the relationship work-even some that state 'but we were engaged'!
Bottom line is this-make SURE you know what the motives are of your mate PRIOR to moving in together! Ask questions--is it for LOVE or just to 'test the waters to 'see "IF" your relationship is compatible meaning--does he think it is REALLY 'love'? Never assume that you think you know what your partner is thinking-as men can view living together as a totally separate thing from 'LOVE AND COMMITMENT'! Living together is a big decision-a lot of couples jump into too fast-and when they see the partner is 'not perfect' and doesn't please them-it is also easy to walk away. There are no legal ties that 'bind' versus vows in marriage-but to MEN it also can be the reality of having 'REAL commitment--through the good and bad' and IF it doesn't work-it may be better to 'stay and work on issues' than face the monetary and emotional costs of the divorce courts. Never settle for less than what you really want-in any relationship-or compromise your values if living together does not feel 'right'-don't do it!
Get grounded with spiritual connections and be realistic about what you REALLY desire in any relationship. Commited relationships should be based on trust, honesty and mature love-the kind that takes time to grow and develop. Living together is a choice you need to think about seriously and never assume it means 'he is commited to you'. You deserve the 'whole package'-and sometimes waiting for it is far better than taking on a 'part-time lover and roommate' who doesn't want a full-time relationship based on real commitment-'no matter what'!