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Are You In An Abusive Relationship?

   I understand this topic may have been covered numerous times.  I recently encountered someone who this was being done to and decided to give you my own perspective on abusive relationships.

   Abusive relationships do not have to be physical.  Abusive relationships can be emotional, verbal, financial, sexual, etc.  Emotional abuse happens when the abuser puts you down, telling you are worthless, and won't amount to anything.  You may start believing that yourself.  In fact, you do start belieivng it yourself. 

   Verbal abusive relationships are the same as described in emotional abusive relationships.  Verbal abuser hate themselves and take their repressed anger on the victim.  It really has nothing to do with the victim.  I remember one ex boyfriend of mine telling me I was a nut case and everyone knew it.  I didn't take the abuser seriously since I knew I had broken up because he was mentally deranged.  I stood up to the my ex boyfriend telling him to get help himself since he wasn't able to deal with the anger he was attempting to inflict on me.  Of course, that didn't go over well with him! 

   Financial abuse is when the abuser makes the victim dependent upon him or her.  I have seen it both ways.  I have a relative who had his wife handle all the finances.  When they got a divorce, she tried to yield her control over the money.  It didn't work as she lost out in the end by hiding assets. Other actions like this is the victim is isolated from friends and family, has no means of transportation, has to ask the abuser for money, doesn't have a job, etc.

   Sexual abuse is when the abuser dominates the victim sexually.  The abuser may make the victim do things sexually to humiliate, demean, and make the victim feel worthless.  The abuser may also rape, sodomize, beat up the victim (without their consent) during sexual relations.

   Being abuse is not easy to recover from as it may take years or a lifetime to overcome the years of humiliating behavior.  It can be done though!  The first step to help is to ask for help.  This is not easy when you are being physically abused and the abuser threatens your life if you dare leave them.  Remember the abuser needs you more than you need him or her.  They have the low self-esteem and anger issues NOT YOU.  There is help out there!  So, please if you suspect you are being abused, please seek out help as no one deserves to treat you that way!

Published Tuesday, April 29, 2008 11:02 AM by Amysinsights11

Comments

# re: Are You In An Abusive Relationship?

Tuesday, April 29, 2008 1:12 PM by Rosalea
Good post Amy and well needed at this time.  I have clients that are recovering from abusive relationships and it is a long road to recovery sometimes.  I applaud you for keeping the focus on this issue as it is so prevalent in our society.   Blessings to you today

Rosie

# re: Are You In An Abusive Relationship?

Thursday, May 08, 2008 1:42 PM by Douglas Mays
Good post!  Check out the studies by Sandra Brown and the Dangerous Relationship Institute.  It finally labels a form of abuse that has been flying under the radar for way too long.

It goes way beyond all these catch phrases like co-dependence, abusive relationship, etc.  These words do not apply to those trapped in a 'pathological' relationship.

I could go on...

best,
DM
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