Forgiveness
Since reuniting with my mother and father, other family members are stepping forward wanting their turn at reuniting with me. I have nothing against most of my family members other than the usual squabble and difference of opinion.
I have two half sisters who are 11 and 16 years older than I am. My middle half sister is someone I feel that I will never see eye to eye. She got married at 18 because she was pregnant. Then she proceeded to have two other beautiful children after my nephew was born. She adopted her husband's huge brood of five brothers as her own. Her and I grew up under similar circumstances with the alcoholism and abuse that followed those turbulent years. I chose to stay and she chose to get pregnant. I chose to live my life, my way. My half sister and I have never been able to get along except she did shield me for years (until she moved out to get married) from the physical fights my parents had with one another.
I have noticed as adults we are dealt with the alcoholism very differently. I chose to stay in the environment longer leaving the house at age of 27. My half sister has criticized me for getting too much and being spoiled by mom and dad. That is furthest from the truth! I have held either a babysitting job or office since 11 years old. I saved up for my television, bike, car, and car insurance. I appreciated those items more. My half sister has no clue what I have gone through as I do not have a clue as a glimpse into her life. I have often joked with her that she has the Jan Brady syndrome of saying either I or my older half sister have gotten more than her!
Then I have a niece who I was very close to. I babysit her alot because I was eight years older than her. She was more like a little sister than a niece to me.
I feel my niece betrayed me when she sided with a friend of her over a matter that nearly cost me my life. This friend of hers lied about me and got me into trouble. My niece decided to side with her. I was so hurt and devastated that she would do such a supposed betrayal of me. It divided our family for a long time.
My niece has recently expressed an interest to reunite with me. I have nothing against my niece but my years of pain, hurt, and anguish are over. I can choose to have a relationship with either my half sister or my niece. I am not ready at this time. I have forgiven my half sister for her opinions of me as she has shunned me when not in front of my mother.
My niece is another story. I am finding that although she was young (18 years old when this ordeal happened), I do not feel I am ready for a relationship with either. At this moment, I have forgiven both of them but feel I do not want to expose myself to contact with them either. I am in control of who I see, what time I see them, or if I want to see them. I am still working on the forgiveness factor with both. I feel at this point of my development that it is best to stay away. I would do anything to help them if asked as I would never turned them away. Perhaps one day I will want to see them, but right now I am content in my life and circumstances. I considered myself very blessed with the life I have built.
Forgiveness is a process. It takes time. I am still taking it one day at a time with the process of letting go and heal...