See Them In A Different Light
I never thought my vision of my parents would be different. I mean after all the years of abuse, alcoholism, and pain can not be erased.
I went over to my parents for dinner last night. My dad and mom requested I do some healing on my dad. I am more than happy to oblige as I would help anyone who needs healing. I took this view with my dad. I kept saying to myself, "I will treat him like a client." over and over again.
I feel that walking away and healing as I did the past couple of years was good for all of us involved. I was able to detach from the situation and gain a different perspective about my parents, upbringing, and myself. I feel because of that detachment I was able to see my parents as humans with frailties and faults of the their own. I also think they did the best they could with the knowledge they possessed at the time. For the first time, I had compassion for my parents as I could feel their pain, worry and uncertainty as this present moment.
My aunt downstairs (who is my dad's sister) has also helped with the healing process the past couple of years. She filled in the gaps of my dad's childhood. My dad was beaten unmercifully by his father. His father also drank a gallon of wine a day. My grandfather could not stop shaking until he had his wine everyday.
My dad is scared. He was trying so hard to engage in conversation with me and relate to me as his daughter. When I was growing up it was so hard for him to do. I would blame myself for what I thought appeared to me to be my fault. Afterall, I thought to myself, "What made me so unlovable that my dad couldn't be the dad I desired?" I know my dad did the best he could at the time. I sensed as he mellows with age, he is reflecting on the past and knows he wants a different future.
My dad never talked about his past. When I would ask him, he would try to change the subject. I am grateful my aunt has filled in those gaps as now I understand my dad's upbringing. He and my mom are both adult children of alcoholics.
I feel we as adults forget our parents are human like us. We tend to forget that they grew up and sometimes with baggage of their own.
I ask all of you to pray for my dad as he is having surgery tomorrow. He has having a vein placed into his other leg. He could lose his foot if the surgery is not performed soon. I will keep you updated in future blogs.