Trying to Pour on the Guilt
The past month since my parents and I have been in contact are trying. I am noticing the old patterns emerge. One old pattern was my mother laying the guilt trip on me.
My dad is coming home from the hospital today. He has been ill since August off and on. I have called my dad every other day to see how he has been. It is a quick phone call as it gets too long, I make sure have something else to do.
When I called my dad the other day, my mom was insistent on talking to me. My dad handed the phone over to my mom. She is chatty Cathy. She was pouring on the guilt about how she would be the only one caring for my dad when he gets home, etc...you get the idea...woe is me...I am the martyr....now mind you she has had helped from my two half sisters. My one half sister is a nurse. Well anyway, I did play the how can I help you out act as in the past. I found myself fighting my own guilt.
I reminded myself that I haven't been in contact with my parents for almost two years. My two half sisters have had to step up to the plate. Before it was I who took on the responsibility of helping my parents out without their help. My half sisters are both married, own their own homes, and their children are all grown in their twenties. I feel it is my time to soar my wings and live! I have takened care of my parents through their many illnesses, heart attacks, and hospital stays. I feel my half sisters need to step up to the plate (and they have along with my cousin and her family).
I have worked long and hard to establish my career and business. My parents are not going to guilt me into doing something I do not wish to do. I feel if I want to help them out it is BECAUSE I WANT TO NOT BECAUSE I AM BEING FORCED TO DO SO.
I still find myself on guard being around them now. I am taking one day at a time. I know I am no longer the person I was with them. I have changed. Sometimes I am still fighting the old feelings perhaps certain actions or words my mother may say to me that trigger them. I am more aware of it more than ever before.