Consciously Let Go of the past!
Letting go of the past ~
The choices others make that have an affect on us can hurt us if we allow it.
When we assign meaning to what someone does as being something they are doing
to us, we allow hurt to invade our thoughts and feelings. Think of all the times
you’ve made decisions and choices that affected others but at the time you made
those choices you didn’t realize that it would hurt someone. Additionally, because
of underlying desires, conflicts and struggles at the moment we made that choice
it wasn’t possible for us to choose differently.
Unless we are conscious of what we are doing on a moment to moment basis we
aren’t choosing to do things that hurt others, we are simply doing. Knowing
that the person who hurt us was not living in a conscious place and was unaware
of their own actions and choices brings to light our own choices. When you are
hurt it is important to decide what choices you are making. Are you willing
to forgive the person who hurt you? Do you choose to continue your relationship
with him/her? If so, will holding onto past hurts allow love to be expressed?
If we can look at every day anew forgiving others and ourselves, we allow love
to flow, creating new possibilities. If we get stuck in our hurts, we are limited
to experiencing the pain and loss of those hurts over and over. It is important
to let go of hurt and not hold it in. Whether you journal your feelings or you
talk them over with someone you trust, you are letting go of those past hurts.
If you hold onto those hurts and allow them to control your choices, you will
inevitably become stuck in repeating the hurt.
When you are the person who caused the hurt, you have the power to help the
healing. By listening and allowing a conversation (or several) to occur in which
you quietly support your partner as they reveal their hurts, you are making
amends for your actions. Listen quietly and respond with empathy not defense.
Put yourself in their shoes, communicate to them how you would feel if it had
happened to you. In doing this, you validate your partner’s feelings and rebuild
the trust creating safety for your partner. It may take several weeks and sometimes
months to heal a past hurt, however with every communication the energy of the
hurt dissipates until it is gone.
When communicating past hurts it is important to not defend oneself or justify
one’s actions. It is important not to attack or name call. Communicating past
hurt is a mode of healing and should not create new injuries. When you are hurt
and working on letting go of the hurt, you are essentially seeking reassurance
and validation leading to love and healing. If your partner is defensive, it
is necessary to recognize their inability to support you in your healing. Find
a trusted friend to support you as you talk your way thru the pain. As your
pain lessens you will then be able to clearly choose whether or not to continue
your relationship.
Hurt can only heal in an environment where love, honesty and communication
are present. Hurt can not heal if the offending partner is not willing to grow
and continues to make similar choices leading to continued injury. If your partner
refuses to grow and recognize the power of their actions and choices in your
relationship, it may be time to release that person and allow healing to take
place away from them.
Bernadette Dickinson (c)2007 all rights reserved