Emotional Infidelity - When Emotional Intimacy Becomes Cheating
You have a friend of the opposite sex and you've grown pretty close over the last few months. Suddenly you find yourself sharing more of your true feelings with that friend rather then your partner. You have not crossed the line physically and haven't even kissed. It can't be considered cheating you say to yourself. Or can it? When does emotional intimacy become cheating?
This topic is surely a heated one and can be be debated for hours I'm sure. Being a female with a lot of male friends throughout the years, I've pondered this a lot.
When in a committed romantic relationship it's imperative to express your feelings and thoughts freely. Even and especially when there are arguements and issues in that relationship. Sometimes we choose to discuss those issues with outsiders. We run to our friends, family and coworkers with the tales of our hurt.
Emotional infidelity is when you are expressing your emotional needs and desires more with an outsider then with your partner. It begins slowly and sometimes quite unconsciously.
Many times it happens in the workplace where we engage in conversations with our coworkers about the boss, the job and life. Suddenly we begin to share more private aspects of our lives and selves.
With easy access to others via the internet, we can easily become emotionally intimate with someone we meet online. Sometimes we share things with the person online innocently and suddenly we are drawn more to that person then to our partner.
Unfortunately, as we continue to connect and bond with someone other then our partner, we tend to neglect the needs of our partner. We engage our emotions elsewhere and leave the issues at hand in our current relationship unresolved. In making a connection on an emotional level we are breaking the very connection that holds our relationship together with our partner.
Many people have issue seeing this as infidelity. They justify it by saying that it is only "talking". While it may only be talking to you, consider how you would feel if your partner were telling someone other then you more of their feelings then you. How would you feel if you found out that your partner spent hours talking to this person of the opposite sex for hours at a time about their dreams, desires and wishes. Would it not bother you to know that your partner were telling the other person their true feelings and excluding you?
If you've fallen into an emotional affair with someone else and there is sexual tension building, it's best to distance yourself immediately. Physical intimacy is the next step once the emotional affair has taken hold.
If there is no sexual tension but you realize you are not resolving your issues in your current partnership due to neglect, pull away temporarily while working on your relationship with your partner. Once the issues are resolving in your relationship and emotional intimacy is in tact, introduce your partner to the outsider. This will alleviate any insecurities in your partner and create more trust in the relationship.
In order to make your relationship work, it is imperative that it is free from deceit and betrayal. Even if you haven't considered that emotional infidelity may be the cause of issues in your relationship, it's not too late to fix it. Give your partner a chance to hear you speak from the heart and with emotional honesty. Be honest about your wishes and needs.
If your partner won't listen then it may be time to end that relationship before embarking on a new one. Always remember, you are the single most powerful person in your life. Live consciously and honestly!!
Blessings,
Bernadette
(c)2008