Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships
At 40 yrs. old I've had my fair share of relationships and have done Relationship coaching for a number of years. In my recent musings and talks I've been asked to answer the question, "What is a Healthy Relationship".
There is a few key factors that define a healthy relationship:
1. Does the relationship provide a mutual support system for both partners?
2. Are both partners allowed to express themselves honestly without judgement from the other partner?
3. When issues come up, are there solutions offered?
4. Does the relationship add to your life?
Here are a few key factors that define unhealthy relationships:
1. Either one or both partners can't express their thoughts, desires and fears without recrimination from the other partner.
2. Issues are seldom resolved and become a finger pointing battle versus a safe welcoming haven to find rest from fear.
3. The relationship or partner feels more like a burden then a joy. Another words, it's a "have to" not a "get to".
4. Secrets are kept from one another rather then honest communication.
Personally, I've had both types of relationships. I am grateful that currently I am blessed by having a wonderful partnership. One in which I can talk to my partner about everything and anything without it becoming a power struggle. If I have a fear, dislike or complaint with our relationship or any issue in life, he is calmly capable of listening and allowing me to complete my communication before jumping in and trying to change my mind on how I feel. After we've discussed issues, we both look for viable solutions and he takes the time to think about ways he can help. I find myself much more able to listen to him without interruption or judgement. It allows for a strong bond between us. I find myself wanting to express my gratitude toward him continually for being so loving and open.
In the past, in unhealthy situations I would dread talking to my partner. I would tell my friends my thoughts but would not be able to tell my partner which in turn created a distance between us. It built walls that were inpenetrable.
Our bodies are great indicators of how we are doing in our relationships. When our bodies react with an energized feeling we know we are in alignment with our highest good. However, when our bodies react with lethargy, fatigue and anxiety we know we are not in alignment with what is best for us. It is up to us to choose to honor our highest good, it is not up to our partners to choose that for us. Sometimes we stay in unhealthy relationships in hopes it will change or our partner will change.
The cue for a healthy partnership is one in which you desire no change in your partner but accept them wholly and fully. When you only see Love and goodness in your partner you know you have found a great match. When you also know your partner sees and recognizes that in you, it is recipricol and a healthy relationship.
Relationships are the Universe's greatest tool for growth in our lives. When embraced properly and with love we can achieve our greatest aspirations and grow beyond what we can alone. However, when a relationship creates depression, anxiety and strife in our lives it is taking from our growth and creating stagnant energy. Once we stagnate in one every of our lives we will certainly begin to stagnate in every other area too until we are able to change ourselves.
In summary, a healthy relationship is one in which you are motivated and energized to be the best you can be and your partner supports that and mirrors that back to you. When that occurs, anything is possible because the energy of LOVE is flowing and you are instantly in the Flow!!
Happy Journey,
Bernadette Dickinson
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