A Little History and Brigid Bishop’s Gift Giving Guide to Valentine’s Day
Brigid Bishop’s Gift Giving Guide to Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is a holiday that has been much exploited by the greeting card industry.
Remember when you were a little kid in school?
We made our little Valentine Day mailboxes, decorated in reds and pinks with hearts and flowers and we waited for that day in school when we got to open our little cards. In my school every child gave every other child a valentine, regardless of gender or level of friendship. It was expected and encouraged that it be all inclusive. Your parents usually bought you a box that contained enough valentines for your entire class and maybe they had Snoopy or Charlie Brown or Batman, based on what your personal preferences were, and maybe you got some candy too.
It was enough to mark the day and keep the kids happy.
Today, due to the hype which has been communicated to us through the ever invasive media, you can see commercials suggesting you give your valentine anything from diamonds to computers to a new SUV!
It’s ridiculous.
Valentine’s Day IS a traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other, yet, the holiday originally had absolutely nothing to do with love!
Valentine’s Day was named after two early Christian martyrs named Valentine, who gave up their lives for the love of Christ. The holiday only became associated with romantic love during the High Middle Ages in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer.
Modern Valentine symbols include cupids, hearts, flowers, cards, etc., and the sheer hype of the approaching lover’s day causes some people undue stress. Either they do not know what to give the love of their life as a gift, or they are overly concerned as to whether or not their current love interest will express their feelings as anticipated.
Too much weight is pinned on a day that was originally set aside as a Catholic Feast Day for the Saints Valentine who died for their faith.
In the late 1300’s Geoffrey Chaucer wrote a poem to honor the first anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia. A treaty providing for the marriage, (how romantic), had been signed when the betrothed were around the age of fourteen, again, how romantic.
This was the original “Valentine”.
Following this, a “High Court of Love” was established in Paris in 1400, the court dealt with marriage contracts, betrayals and violence against women. Judges were actually selected by women based on poetry readings! To me this is not romantic, it is idiotic!
The day continued to gain momentum as a lover’s holiday through the centuries.
In 1969 the Catholic Church removed the feast day of Saint Valentine from the Calendar of Saints.
In the second half of the twentieth century the Valentine’s Day business of “love” exploded.
In the 1980’s the diamond industry hopped on the bandwagon and began promoting a simple day of exchanging a card, flowers or candy to your sweetheart into an occasion for giving jewelry.
Things have just gotten worse since then.
Here is my “Gift Giving Guide” for modern women, both to assist you in keeping it reasonable and in protecting yourself from being disappointed by unrealistic expectations.
The nature of your gift should be directly proportionate to the level of relationship that you have with the love interest in question.
This means that if you are just “interested” in the person and have not yet dated him or established a significant connection, a verbal “Happy Valentine’s Day” or a humorous ecard or a little candy heart is sufficient. Some small token that is mildly flirtatious is all you should provide.
If you have just begun dating, a humorous or flirtatious paper card is appropriate.
If you have been dating for some time, but are not yet “exclusive” or “going steady” stick to the simple paper card.
If you are exclusive then some candy and a more romantic paper card is appropriate. Perhaps even something related to a hobby or interest of his as a token of affection, but nothing big!
If you are seriously involved to the level of engagement or living together or married then by all means do it big! (If you are so inclined), however, if your budget does not allow it, again a card and a small token gift is sufficient.
A poem you have written yourself expressing your feelings is always a nice gesture if you are at least exclusively involved.
Always give the male a little bit less of a gift than you suspect he will present you with.
Why? Because if your gift outshines his, he may well feel emasculated. Keep it simple. Be prepared to receive graciously.
Your expectations should be directly proportionate to the level of relationship that you have with the love interest in question as well. Review the items above, and this is where your expectations should lie. If you have only been on a date or two, please don’t get yourself all worked up waiting for flowers to be delivered to you at work. It is possible, but unlikely, at that early stage of relationship that your new interest will ante up in that manner.
If he is truly “your guy”, well then of course he should send you flowers or a box of candy or balloons! If he does not, you have every right to be disappointed. A nice romantic dinner for two with a bottle of wine is lovely too! Consider his budget when building your anticipation.
You can prevent a lot of disappointment and misunderstanding if you keep it simple and tuned to where you are at in the relationship process.
Please don’t let the big industry media campaigns influence your expectations of this simple day that you should just be happy to mark the occasion with your sweetheart. You will be much more content if you don’t fall prey to the advertising industry.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
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