On The Outside Looking In
On The Outside Looking In
“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart…
Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens."
Carl Jung
Frequently when under stress or in crisis a client will call and all of their questions will be focused on the object of their affections, concerns are projected outside, and the only “inner” focus is on how terrible they feel at present.
Of course, my position here as an Advisor and Relationship Coach on Keen.com is to answer their questions as honestly and accurately as possible, and deliver even the negativity that may be energetically surrounding their situations as compassionately as possible.
The difficulty lies in trying to communicate to the client that they may very well need to remove their focus from the outside and switch it to the inside.
When in an emotional crisis, many are so focused on what may happen next or why their partner is behaving in a negative way, that it is very difficult to clearly deliver that message, and even when delivered kindly and gently, the client may not be able to hear what I am saying, dismissing the guidance that the cards are delivering to return to their focus questions of “Why did he?” and "When will he?”.
I am writing this Keen Blog, (and many previous Keen Blogs), as a gentle reminder or soft guidance to my clientele, that they may perhaps begin to change the focus of their concerns and questions from the outside to the inside.
Let me give you some examples to ponder, and please remember that this is not directed toward any client or clients in particular, it is based on being a Professional Tarot Reader on Keen.com for six years and providing over 20,000 readings in that time frame, so if you see yourself in here, you are one of many I am writing this for.
Example Outward Focus Question:
Why did he break up with me?
Example Inward Focus Questions:
What was it in my behaviors that caused him to behave like this toward me? Am I needy? Am I clinging? Am I too strong for him?
How are his current behaviors making me feel?
Why do I allow him to make me feel this way?
How can I take control over my emotions and take “my power” back?
Example Outward Focus Question:
When will he call?
Example Inward Focus Question:
What can I do during this break to improve myself?
What was my contribution to this problem? What was his?
Why do I want him to call?
Why can’t I let go and move on?
Example Outward Focus Question:
Will he come back to me?
Example Inward Focus Questions:
Do I really want him back?
What is it about him that makes me love him?
Do I love him or his potential?
Do I love him, or my projection of him?
What is it about him that makes me feel negative?
Example Outward Focus Question:
How does he feel about me right now?
Example Inward Focus Question:
How do I truly feel about him?
Example Outward Focus Question:
What will make him come back to me?
Example Inward Focus Question:
Do I really want him back?
Sometimes when our relationships hit crisis points or breakup it is more upsetting to us because the rhythm of our lives has changed and we now have a new path before us. We outwardly focus on the absent partner not because we truly love them, but because we were comfortable in our routines, and the disruption to those routines is very ominous.
If you have to move out you don’t know where you are going to live just yet, if you have had a long-term relationship your circle of friends may very well change, you suddenly find you have weekends with nothing to do except focus on your loss when you could be making plans to do things you always wanted to do but never got around to.
I listen daily to people talk about their exes and ask outwardly focused questions about them as exemplified above, and there are occasions when the client combines the outward with the inward and realizes that they truly are in love with their estranged partner and they do the work required to heal their relationship, and sometimes that work entails a lengthy separation and a life on a totally separate path for awhile, but these are the clients who do go inward as well as outward.
What is difficult is to hear clients focus outward and feel their desperation at regaining their lost love, but then also listen to them quantify all of the faults of their estranged partner, which prompts me to ask, are you sure that you want them back? How do you really feel about him? By doing so, I try to steer them inward, but few follow the map.
In my Keen Blog, “Careful What You Wish For, You Just Might Get It” I share with you some insights into a frequent occurrence post-reconciliation within my client base, if you are in the midst of a breakup right now you may also wish to read and consider that particular Keen Blog as well.
"Happiness, not in another place, but this place…
Not for another hour, but this hour."
Walt Whitman
Copyright © 2007 Brigid Bishop
This content may not be copied or reproduced in any way without the express written permission of the author. You are welcome to link to or bookmark this page, but please contact the author via Keen Mail if you wish to reproduce this article in whole or in part.
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