Brigid Bishop on Life, Love and The Art of Living

The majority of "cheaters" do so because there is a dissatisfaction in their current relationship, remove that dissatisfaction and you no longer have a cheater. I TOTALLY BELIEVE IN THIS STATEMENT! Its the truth think about it people.

Well, as a wife who was cheated on, I can honestly tell you that I busted my fanny to try to please him, But it didn't matter what I did or  how hard I tried -- it was NEVER enough!!  First he drained my bank account, then he became a bully, and then, for the grand finale, he cheated on me!  

Real easy to say people, but truth be known there are some people out there who simply will NOT be pleased.  I asked him what he wanted from me, and he wouldn't tell me.  I begged him to go to marriage counseling, he refused.  

BTW, I can think of no pain that is worse than to find out that your spouse has cheated on you.  Some of us do believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment, and if there is 'dissatisfaction' then why not try COMMUNICATING with the person that you exchanged your vows with?  Why not try to work out the problems instead of cheating on them and causing them unbearable and excruciating  pain?  

'Marina'  

I think this is a bit of a 'blame the victim' mentality.  I was a wife who was cheated on.  (And the spouse who has been cheated on is ALWAYS the victim!) I bent over backwards trying to please my spouse, and it seemed like I was always asking him what it was that he wanted from me.  But as hard as I tried, nothing I ever did for that man was ever good enough, nor would he tell me what it was that he wanted from me.  Instead, he cheated on me.

So called 'dissatisfaction' is just another excuse for bad behavior!  Marriage is a life-time commitment.  It is also a Sacrament.  You have made a pledge, to your spouse, and to God Himself, to stay faithful to one another. Let's stop blaming the victim and holding the cheater accountable for his or her actions.

'Marina'

What makes me sad is that so many people believe that blanket statement, and then set about creating their own reality. Thank you for posting!
:))
Faith

I agree with you in most aspects, however, there ARE those (sex addicts) who have no control of their behavior unless long-term therapy is taken in sincerety..Generally taken only when the Primary relationship is threatened and even then, very difficult..

This is a difficult task..As Alcoholics, Gamblers, Anorexics, Drug Addicts, Over-Eaters, etc. get a 'fix' from this bahavior..it is an extemely difficult behavior to overcome and 'ever present' to 'relapse.

Often, people begin to need 'validation' in a long-term relationship (no fault of the partner most of the time)  There are the reality of bills, pressure, children - reality sets in..  Communication will often accommplish this need - not another partner..But then there is the 'addictive sex addicts'.

So, this is only speaking of 'addictive' sex (even they don't like doing it but can't stop like any addiction) and need extreme help.

In ordinary life, I agree that people can change when they see what they will lose..Also, the partner has a part in this..letting them know how much they love them every single day and they,too, have that responsibilty..simple courtesies like "I love you because..."  or "i just love it when..."  

Couples often (in the normal course of their lives together) forget to 'compliment' say 'Thank you' 'I'm sorry (and mean it, say,in an arguement (or a bit later or "let's stop this - we love each other and can work it out"..C

Couples tend to become sometimes, at best, 'friends'..It's up to them to keep the passion going.  Difficult but when the stakes are high it must be done.. Find time to be together alone somehow,  get outside of every day stress alone - even if just one night at a Bed and Breakfast...

This is why I always say (in the absence of 'sex addiction'( hard to treat ) never take your loved one for granted..always compliment anything that they do for you, how they look,  etc..  like when you first met...Never forget those days...talk about it and how thrilling he/she was and still is...

Too long, sorry

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