Thinking of Making Some New Year Resolutions?
Every year it seems we all tend to come to the last week of December and begin ruminating over the changes we’d like to make in our lives.
Frequently we think of the peripheral changes that we believe, (due to modern advertising campaigns), will improve the quality of our lives, (and they frequently do), like quitting smoking, losing weight if we have a bit of the middle aged bulge, joining a gym, etc.
These are wonderful changes to make, and some of us resolve and do follow through with our intentions bringing us to a more physically healthy state of being.
Along with your resolutions this year, I would also like you to consider adding “New Year REVOLUTIONS” to your list of “New Year Resolutions”.
Join your local gym, show up! Don’t pay for something you are going to attend once or twice and then lose interest in. Quit smoking! Eat healthier! Yes, do all those things, make them part of your lifestyle, but along with these outward changes do some inward changing as well.
Create your very own, personal, New Year Revolution!!!!
What do I mean by this?
Well, think of what the word “revolution” means. Upheaval, change, redefining, restructuring………
Change the WAY you LIVE.
Change the WAY you THINK.
Here are some suggestions from Brigid Bishop on some potential “New Year Revolutions”:
Stop “Chasing” men.
I know.
This sounds archaic, however, we all know that we reach out to men much more than we should in the beginnings of relationships and during the attraction stage. This frequently causes us to be disappointed when he doesn’t call or doesn’t ask us out, or doesn’t do whatever it is we hope he will do.
What do I mean by cease and desist man chasing? This means, no matter what, we let him pursue us. We don’t call, don’t IM, don’t email, don’t send notes or cards. We allow him to initiate contact and pursue us. You may say, “I don’t think I’m chasing him if I just call to see how he is.” Well, yes, you are. Until you are in a “relationship”, meaning you have an established connection that you are BOTH aware of and agree to, be elusive.
If he is not intelligent enough to deduce that you are a wonderful woman that will only add to his life, and thus pursue you by his own volition, then he is not worth the bother. Move on!
Take Yourself Off Of “Hold”
We put ourselves “On Hold” in many different ways.
Perhaps we are waiting for our married lover to leave his wife.
We may be waiting for the phone call from the ex saying that he wants us back.
We may be waiting for our current partner to change or evolve into someone we once thought that they would become.
Hang Up! Stop Waiting on hold listening to the elevator music of life and start living again!!
If our lover is married, start dating other people! If he has more than one woman in his life, why should you be alone during the holidays? Date as many other people as you care, but stop waiting for him! You don’t have to break it off, as you probably have feelings for him, otherwise you wouldn’t be involved to begin with, but, since he IS still MARRIED, start dating other single people…..if he is EVER going to leave, that will certainly put him on notice to begin to make changes. If he is NEVER going to leave, you increase your chances of finding the relationship you truly want, where you BOTH are free to be together.
If you are still hung up on an ex you have to let go!
It doesn’t mean that he will never return, nor does it mean that he will, but remove your energy from pining over him! Force yourself to date. At first it is extremely uncomfortable, but once you allow yourself to have a little fun, it does become enjoyable.
Limit the amount of time you allow yourself to think of the ex. Don’t look for signs, or symbols, or triggers to bring up thoughts of the ex. Tell yourself that you will only allow yourself to think of him for one half hour, (or more, or less, dependent on the intensity and age of your break up), and when thoughts of the ex creep in for whatever reason, push them to the side and think of something else. It’s difficult, it takes self-discipline, but with practice, it works!
If our current relationship is dissatisfying, don’t keep waiting for change in the other person, change yourself! Break it off if necessary. Life is short, why spend one more day in an unhappy connection when there are millions of other people out there to meet and get to know and eventually build a new relationship with!
Stop “Making Love Out of Nothing at All” or What I Call “Creating Targets of Affection”
There are many people out there who literally build a fantasy relationship in their minds out of rather inconsequential connections. A mild bit of attention or chemical attraction and they focus solely on this one individual. It may be someone they chat with online, encounter through work or school, or even meet socially. They feel an initial attraction and immediately “Target” this individual and cease to pursue other relationships.
Here is an example.
Many years ago when I had my brick and mortar storefront and did “in-person” readings, I had a client who asked the generic cold question of “When will I meet someone new and where?”
Her cards came up indicating that she would meet a gentleman through her career, it would be a business connection and they would have a mutual attraction and form a bond and build a relationship.
What happened?
She began doing some “freelance” work and met a gentleman she found attractive. (The cards indicated a business encounter through her primary career). She convinced herself that he was the one that was foretold by the Tarot, although there was absolutely no supporting evidence to that fact. In fact, I believe it was quite the opposite.
I worked with her and counseled her that I did not believe this was the man we had previously seen. The cards did not validate it, yet, she was determined to “make” him the “one”. I also cautioned her that by putting on blinders and “targeting” this one man she may very well miss the opportunity to meet the man in the previous reading, yet she did not follow the advice of the cards.
So, she threw herself into this man’s path at EVERY possible occasion. It was borderline “stalking” at its finest.
She came back for readings asking “when will he ask me out?” The cards did not show it happening. She would become frustrated with me and the cards and block out what I was trying to tell her, this was NOT the guy.
Eventually, she attended a social gathering where he was also a guest, (she wrangled the invitation through a very stealth-like mode).
She had a bit too much to drink, she approached him, and she asked him out.
She came to me the next day in tears asking me why he refused to go out with her, the cards said she would meet someone through a business connection and build a relationship. She had wasted three months chasing him and building a relationship around his every innocuous comment, and she was very disappointed.
I sat her down and reviewed the situation (and her previous readings) with her. She used to tape them, so we had every reading back to the original available to us.
In retrospect, it became very clear to her that she had “made love out of nothing at all”. She even realized that her reaction was way out of proportion to the connection she had in reality to him.
If a man is interested in you, you won’t have to project a relationship out into the universe, he will make it evident to you. He will be attentive. He will ask for your number. He will call you. He will ask you out. You don’t have to “make” it happen. It will.
Learn to discern the difference between polite social attention and individual attraction and you will save yourself a lot of pain and confusion.
Be the Person You Always Imagined Yourself to Be!
Or, as I like to say, “Be the Person Your Dog Thinks You Are!” LOL
How did you imagine yourself to be at this stage in your life?
Did you want to learn to speak a foreign language, drive a motorcycle, ballroom dance, cast pottery or play an instrument?
What are you waiting for?
Create the lifestyle you always envisioned and live it!
As with any New Year Resolution, a “New Year REVOLUTION” will be difficult to carry out, but start today thinking of your behavior patterns, the ones that you would like to change to build a better emotional and psychological life and I guarantee that by this time 2008 you will be a much happier and much more satisfied woman!
!
Copyright © 2007 Brigid Bishop
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For Further Reading:
If You Can’t Be With The One You Love, Love The One You’re With
Brigid Bishop’s Relationship Coaching Articles
If I am not on when you are looking for me this holiday please try the wonderful advisors in my Groups, Uncloaking the Tarot, or find many of your favorite advisors (and mine) in Brigid Bishop Recommends, to ensure that you continue to receive Quality Advice
P.S. I am taking Callbacks Tonight, Thursday, 12/27/07, until 1 a.m. EST, please use the arrange a call feature to hold your spot in line for a Professional Tarot Reading. I recommend a minimum wait time of four hours be used in order to ensure I can get to you. I will be logging back in at approximately 11 p.m. EST to begin taking callbacks.