So how do we gain control over our empathic feelings?  Where do we start?
 Would you say that you often obsess or are anxious over something, and what do you do when it spreads into your relationship?  This could be a sign that you are in a state of emotional avoidance. You are using something else to get away from feelings that make you uncomfortable. When you are going through this, you and your partner may share these emotions and this may translate into your relationship. Are you angry with your partner, but you don’t know why? Do you obsess for long periods over small things?

Start off being mindful and feeling your emotions. Stay present within yourself. One very good way to deal with obsession is to deal with it in a logical fashion – if you are stuck on the future or the past, you may feel hopeless about the future and the past.

Being present in the moment, reminds us that essentially, right now, is safe, right now is good. And if right now is not a safe place, remind your self, that this too shall pass, and
that this pain will move on, this place where you are right now is passing too and you will feel safe again. It's the panic about what may happen, that can shake a person.

 So if you are having an empathic argument with a partner, and you both end up sharing emotional nastiness, how do you disengage?

 Do NOT put up any walls. Blocking the person, the situation, or the bad feelings only leads to other addictive or obsessive behaviours, and does not actually energetically ‘block’ that person. I am not a big believer in spell work personally, I feel that working with our psyche can aid us greater in becoming healthy empaths. If we can make good boundaries, we don’t have to ‘block’ anyone in the first place.

 Start by being mindful of this moment. Are you really having this emotion, or is it having you?Are feelings taking control of you? Do you really need this drama? What is the outcome going to be from this (in)action?

Breathe deeply and center yourself deeply in your core. Feel the anger from the other person flow through you and drain out of you at your feet. Breathe it out. Let it go. It’s just one moment. You will both wake up to a new moment soon, and the anger will not be there in the same intensity. And if you also listen really closely, you will hear your partner, feel their heartbeat and understand their need for approval and love. Remember, the child in everyone.

And most importantly, walk away. Are you really angry because of him or her? Are you not venting your frustration at this person, because you are unhappy?

 And when you go deeper, is that person really to blame?

If that person is to blame, let go of that energy, and let that person go. At the point where you have decided to stay on with this energy, it is your responsibility, not theirs.

This is not a quick and easy process, but it's a good start and I have found it has taken me years to get marginally right, but it's made things much easier for me. It really helps to remember, that most people react because they fear rejection....I tend to look upon fear much kindlier now, and I also know, that most feelings are fleeting ( yes, even love! ).

 Here are some links on emotional addiction:

http://spiritofrecovery.com/rage.html
http://www.drlwilson.com/articles/addiction.htm


***Copyright Carmen Miro 2007