Question: If we are interested in each other, why doesn't it move ahead, and why can't I let go?

One of the major factors I have found in letting go of that back and forth empathic energy, that can lead to major obsessive traits in relationships, is being able to accept that the person is ‘into’ you. The major problem with obsessive empathic or no physical relationship, and a strong bond, is that usually both partners seem to have a self esteem issue, but they don’t tend to vocalize or act on the relationship, thus intensifying the relationship.

 I have found that there are ways around this. I have been discussing this intensively with my clients, and there is a common factor – that many times the person calling has the ‘doubt factor’ lodged in their consciousness. This comes across in statements such as

“Do you really think he likes me?” or “If he likes me so much, why doesn’t he make the move?”

 At this point it’s very important to turn the dial to your object of interest. His or her issue may be that they think the very same things you wonder about – that you may not be interested, and often this is due to their own self esteem issue.  So this is another example of ‘bounce-back’ or feelings being shared, and often, the other party picks up the same problem unconsciously about you, and wonders the same thing.

 This makes for a limbo that may be cyclical if you don’t change the pattern. The pattern can be changed in a couple of ways:

 1)Ask yourself: Are you a perfectionist? Do you idealize relationships, and if they don’t work out, do you start obsessing over how you could be the person who didn’t work hard enough to make it work, or start up?

 2)You must start working on the way you see yourself. Ask yourself, am I the insecure one?

 3)You must  start thinking about the other person’s feelings – ask yourself, is this person maybe also insecure? Don’t listen to what the person is saying or conveying - look at WHY they may be trying to convey and realize that they may also be insecure.

 Daily, remind yourself, even if you don’t feel that way, that you ARE beautiful, someone CAN love you, it’s just YOU who may not accept that. Often just accepting that your object of interest does love you, will mitigate or lessen the obsessive tendencies.

 If that is the case, then there is still hope for something to turn around. You can project emotion to that person that you ACCEPT that they adore you, but are too shy to do anything about it, and you should start to not take it as seriously – you haven’t done anything ‘wrong’. Take away the self blame.

 This will open up telepathic ‘ease of access’ which this person can start unconsciously picking up on. This will also help you in your ideas in self esteem. Look at this as an exercise in consciously seeing *yourself* in a better light, and you will understand, that you have manifested the mirror of how you see yourself in that other person.

 Once you have accepted that you are indeed beautiful, hot, amazing, titillating, intelligent and *worthy* you will gain more confidence to move this forward. Think about maybe dropping the shyness patterns between you to, and take a step forward  - call the person, move it forward, ask them out.

There would be a likelihood of two results: They may either stay stuck in their own self esteem issues and not respond, or more likely, they will respond back.:)

 If they do not respond, you will gain the freedom of knowing where you stand, thus taking away the insecurity that breeds obsession, and you will be freer to move on. You will also aquire more confidence by having 'dealt' with the problem at hand,  and not letting it control you anymore.

You at this point should be able to move on, knowing it’s not *you* the prevented this from evolving.

The other person will often sense your confidence, and may be able to act on their desires more – this is a byproduct of being able to raise your own self esteem.

 On the other hand, now you will have raised your manifestory energy to a level, with your new self esteem, so that you can attract a more confident mate, who will act on their feelings.

 This process can be applied to all relationships, and in grounding your energy with people, you will find they will be more open to relating to you, because they will sense that you are a person with good self esteem, something that is very attractive.

I find acceptance is the key to letting go of someone’s energy – accepting that they may never respond as a worse case scenario, accepting that they do like you – that they are probably mirroring your emotions – and you will also be able to accept yourself, thus letting go or moving into your new life more easily without the endless questions as to whether you caused or prevented this relationship from moving on, something that this person may have done with anyone besides you, because of their poor self esteem and inability to act on a relationship.

Copyright Carmen Miro 2008