The reports pop up sporadically on the six o'clock news: On an otherwise agreeable afternoon, a simple mistake by an unsuspecting woman results in a severe beating at the hands of the man she loves. 
It could be a simple matter. Perhaps she failed to empty the lint from the filter in the clothes dryer; or maybe dinner wasn't just right; or maybe she decided to go shopping with her best friend without telling her spouse about it beforehand; or maybe nothing happened at all. He just beat her.
In polite society, men who pound their wives and girlfriends senseless are viewed as out-of-control barbarians, violent and virulent, often drunk on liquor, drugs or power.
All men who batter are simple Neanderthals who know what they do is wrong and choose to do it anyway. Alcohol and drug problems are of often the main culprits in a man out of control. Batterers often feel justified in their behavior and feel that society is unfairly persecuting them for their actions.
Remember Lacie Peterson, if she knew that Scott would have the possibility of becoming her murderer, she would have been happier if she had left him ... unfortunately ... she waited too long and became the ultimate victim! Not realizing the demon she was fighting.
Batterers are cold and often you will find these men in the future, filling up the jail houses and prisons! They often have sociopathic tendencies:
1) Commons are characterized by their lack of conscience.
2) Alienated are characterized by their inability to love or be loved.
3) Aggressives are characterized by a consistent sadistic streak.
4) Dyssocials are characterized by an inability to abide by normal rules.
Between 40% and 70% of batterers have been exposed to abuse in childhood.
Batterers may have suffered psychological abuse as well and consequently feel insecure. As adults they become emotionally dependent upon a wife and expect her to be responsible for making them happy. When she cannot make them happy, she is "letting them down." They do not know how to achieve happiness on their own.
Abusive men often say: "I told her not to do it. She knew what would happen if she did. She did it. So, what option did I have? I had to hit her. She deserved it."
No one deserves to be beaten. You can go to jail for beating your dog. Certainly it is not ok to beat your spouse!
Men most often use violence to exert control. Men can intimidate and scare a women into conformity.
Society traditionally has seen males as dominant, the ones who set the rules and who are charged with enforcing those rules. Violence is an enforcement mechanism used by most men.
Batterer Rantings:
They are letting out their violent feelings. Anger and its attendant violence are pent up and demand a release.
They "want to get her attention." The victim was hysterical or refused to listen, so the man struck her.
They want to show her who is the boss, gaining or maintaining control of the situation or her behavior.
They want to teach her a lesson or get revenge for some wrong, whether real or perceived.
Batterers say that smacking or beating a spouse or girlfriend frightens the victim and allows the batterer to get his own way. Anger, stress, jealousy, possessiveness and men's competitive nature resulted in partners being punished with a beating.
"They are miserable, suffering low self esteem, and are vulnerable to stress and hostility. They use battering to control their partners, and it seems to work, so they continue."
It makes the batterer feel better. He feels powerful and happy when he's making someone else miserable! He wants to hit something ... and YOU will do.
These abusive men must learn economic partnership, shared responsibility, responsible parenting, honesty and accountability, trust and support, respect, non-threatening behavior and negotiation and fairness. Once the man understands his role in the relationship with his spouse or girlfriend and fosters mutual respect, the tendency toward violence subsides.
Not just at home. Batterers carry their abusive nature over into the work place and disagreements with the boss or a neighbors can become paramount!
It is not easy to stand up to a bully, so don't do it alone! If your man is pushing you around and he won't listen to reason: Have a plan to leave, get a place of your own and build a happier life. Have a plan to stay to try to work things out if he's being reasonable and alcohol and drugs are not a problem.
When men learn that women are equal in every way, we will see everyone adopt the new "equality" belief system, in which men and women are partners and neither is superior or subservient. As more people are educated and society provides new role models to follow, we will see a change in our culture. |