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  • Name: CyndallK
  • Member Since: 8/14/2001
  • About Me: I love people. I love all the many, varied personalities. I love to see people seeking God, God is the answer for any of lifes' problems.

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Love and Pizza

Love is like a pizza

 

One of my dearest friends called me during her lunch break, her relationship, which had started so happily, had been going sour and she was upset.  Her guy had been acting strangely, talking roughly and voicing many complaints about her.  He did not like her hair, or the way she dressed. 

He did not like her attachment to her friends and family or her church.  The list seemed to go on and on.  Since she is such a good person, so kind and so sweet, so thoughtful of others and always eager to be a help and a listener, I was starting to get upset as she went on and on about what he said was wrong with her.  At the end of the conversation she said “I do not want you to really read for me, I just want to know if he loves me?”   I asked and got a firm “Yes.”  She sounded happy and relieved.  We hung up, her break was over.

 

I was now upset, how could he love her and treat her so badly?  How could he start picking her apart for all the very things that had attracted him to her in the first place?  And most of all how could I have heard a yes when his behavior was a no?  I decided to ask about this. 

 

I got a visual of a pizza and heard “What is this?”  “It’s a pizza” I answered.  Immediately I saw another pizza, it’s topping were different from the first pizza.  “What is this?”  I heard.  “It’s a pizza” I again answered.  This went on for a bit, I saw several pizzas’, most were round, some were square.  There were so many different toppings and combinations of toppings.  To each I said “It’s a pizza.”  I was starting to get frustrated when I heard “Love is like a pizza.”  Before I could protest that love seemed to have nothing to do with pizza, I heard “This is the pizza he has for her”.  It was anchovy and was covered with onions and hot green peppers. 

“She hates all those toppings” I said.  I remembered how she once had chewed on a piece of onion, mixed in a salad and the result was not pretty.  I thought I understood, he loved her but it was not a healthy, good-for-her, type of love.

 

 I rushed to email her what I had learned.  To my surprise she emailed me right back and said she did not understand.  Why could she not pick off the offending toppings and just enjoy the rest of the pizza?  Good question. 

I asked and got a visual of how that pizza would look, empty, with a little sauce and bits of cheese.  It was not appetizing at all. 

 

I asked “What can she do?” and got a visual of a woman ordering a ham and pineapple pizza.  When the waiter brought her the pizza it was covered with a mountain of meatballs.  “I did not order this pizza” the woman said politely.  The waiter apologizes and within a short time brings her the pizza she had ordered.  She is happy.  The person who had ordered the meatball pizza was happy to have the pizza they ordered.  This was just a pizza mix-up.

 

There is no pizza (love) shortage.  Pizzas’ (love) are all over the place.  You do have to decide what ingredients you want.  If your order seems misplaced, reorder.  If your order is lacking an ingredient, keep reordering until you get exactly what you want. 

 

 

Published Wednesday, March 28, 2007 10:47 AM by CyndallK

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# re: Love and Pizza @ Wednesday, March 28, 2007 2:49 PM

UGH! This was the very thing I was going to talk to you about yesterday and tried to resolve on my own but am having a hard time. Your friends situation seems very clear. I have a man who's Pizza is just beuatiful, I mean amazing, BUT he has some really stinky anchovies on top. I call these his vices, he has about 3 of them that are totally YUK to me, to the point that after 6 months of being inseparable I have asked him to spend his nights at home so I can get a break from some of those anchovies. That seemed like a good solution at first but now I am sad as this tells me we have to be apart or perhaps never live together because I cant stand his stinky anchovies. I love EVERYTHING under those anchovies and I wish to death I could change myself and just get over that the anchovies are there, but I have not been able to. How does one get so close to a really good compatible match and yet be so far because his pizza has stinky anchovies? I am trying to allow time to offer me the best solution but I am not the most impatient person. My first choice is that he remove the anchovies, but how often does that really happen, my second choice is that I find a way to get over the anchovies and the thrid choice is to move on and order another Pizza, but I would really miss all the other stuff about the pizza I currently have.

UGH!

Jenyadee

# re: Love and Pizza @ Wednesday, March 28, 2007 4:26 PM

There are so many ways to think of this, focus on the good one which is you attracted almost exactly what you want.  We all have personal 'anchovies' or dealbreakers.  How about he give up one or two when with you and run home to his place when he wants to indulge in stinky anchovies?  And the nights he is indulging you make sure you are not moping.  Hope this helps!  And I hope I did this right, this is new to me.  Cynthia

CyndallK

# re: Love and Pizza @ Wednesday, March 28, 2007 4:53 PM

It is new to me too and it seemed to work. Yes that is exactly what I am trying to do now. I have sent him home so he can indulge in his stinky anchovies without me. The only reason I am still sad over the situation is that it makes me think that we wont be able to move to the next level which is living together. But for now I need to just live in the moment, be very happy I am no longer subjected to the stinky anchovies and enjoy all the rest of the WONDERFUL pizza. So yes this is a work in progress and I am trying to be patient, stay in the present and see how it goes.

Jenyadee

# re: Love and Pizza @ Thursday, March 29, 2007 2:48 PM

Hello love... this is a great article! Thanks for sharing!!

Mystikka

Mystikka

# re: Love and Pizza @ Saturday, March 31, 2007 11:50 AM

Cyndall, I am so glad you wrote this!! I see similar things in readings with my client's readings and it seems as though they don't want to know the deeper truth of their situations, they just want the relationship to work at all costs, even their own peace and happiness. A man who seems to "love" a woman, yet seeks to pcik everything apart about her cannot really love her, but rather is in love with redoing her into what he wants her to be other that who she really is. That is not love, but control.  A man who seeks to destroy a woman' sense of self-confidence and self-esteem is not a good catch, but is the subject of many well written books on the subject of these types of men.  I will list a few I have found great with regards to this subject. "Men who hate women and the women who love them" by author Susan Forward, "Women who love too much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change " by author Robin Norwood (probably one of the best books out there because it gets to the root of why we as women try so hard with relationships and give, give give, only to get crumbs in return.  "When you love a man who loves himself", by author  W, Keith Campbell. A great explaination of male narcissistic behaviors and how their "charm" can initially really suck us in, yet their behavior later in the relationship leaves us picking ourselves apart as women thinking WE did something wrong.  "How to Recognize Emotional Unavailability and Make Healthier Relationship Choices" by author Bryn Collins. All about men who for various reasons are emotionally unavailabe to have a healthy relationship because of vairous "isims"- Workaholisim, alcoholisim, etc.  An excellent insight into what emotional unavailability is and what the end result will be in a relationship with someone who has someting else that takes first place in their lives and how these individuals may initially seem healthy to have a relationship with, but where it ends up at.
 I have found these books very helpful in my own life as well as referring them to clients.  I hope these may help your client as well and I am glad she has made the healthy decision to step away/step back and evaluate what her needs really are and that she is worthy of God's best in her life and never has to settle for less than she deserves!!
Thanks for posting your article, and as always, you remain one of the only people I call for advice because you are solid, honest and clear. Thank you for being an Earth Angel for those of us you read for!! Much love, Sylvia  

DIVINE-INSPIRATIONS

# re: Love and Pizza @ Monday, April 02, 2007 7:22 PM

Thanks!  I actually wrote that baout 6 months ago and am happy to say she booted him out.  It was not easy, it was painful, and she says her joy is back now!  Hey another good book is "Dear God, How Do I Get Over A Former Lover I Still Love?"  by Barbara Rose.   A good thing to do is to make a small 'what I hate about me' list and start changing from there. Since I did that I have made so many positive changes.  Big and small things. When you love you, and know how hard you have worked to love you, no one can make you hate or doubt yourself.   Since I did that I have made so many positive changes.  Big and small stuff.  I rarely misplace anything anymore (a biggie from my 'hate' list)  

CyndallK

# re: Love and Pizza @ Wednesday, April 04, 2007 11:25 AM

Hey lady!

I love this piece, it's one of my faves.  I think the most important part of your post is the following:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"There is no pizza (love) shortage.  Pizzas’ (love) are all over the place.  You do have to decide what ingredients you want.  If your order seems misplaced, reorder.  If your order is lacking an ingredient, keep reordering until you get exactly what you want."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think we have a tendency to succumb to the hunger pains and forget what was ordered.  We just "settle" for whatever pizza is delivered, instead of standing up for what we want.  

Once we truly believe that there isn't a shortage, having the guts to speak up and/or change our order (without feeling shy or guilty) will become a second-nature instinct, thus satisfying our hunger.  

I learned this the hard way.  Thanks for posting!

xoxo,
Cristin    

MysticWonder01

# re: Love and Pizza @ Wednesday, April 04, 2007 1:14 PM

I love this story.  

***********************************************
There is no pizza (love) shortage.  Pizzas’ (love) are all over the place.  You do have to decide what ingredients you want.  If your order seems misplaced, reorder.  If your order is lacking an ingredient, keep reordering until you get exactly what you want.  
***********************************************

I love this part.  So, when I put my phone order in, I hope they can speak English.

Love you,
Denise :)

DZigns

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