Need says, “My cup is empty, please fill it.”

Love says, “My cup is full, please share it.”

                                   

 

We all have needs. Abraham Maslow developed a hierarchy of them, from those of the most basic survival (food, shelter) to the highest aspiration of the human spirit: self-actualization, or the need to “be all you can be”.

 

Romantic songs, films and literature are filled with the yearning, burning desires of people seeking to be filled, and fulfilled, by love. But I often wonder if what I’m hearing, seeing or reading isn’t just a form of co-dependency?  The idea that we truly can’t live without someone is kind of frightening, since life, among other things, is a long series of  “good-byes”. Even if two people stay together their entire lives, rarely do they die simultaneously. One has to go, one has to stay and continue on.

 

True love, in all of its forms, has inspired people to overcome nearly insurmountable odds, to perform acts of heroism and selflessness, and even to make the ultimate sacrifice – giving one’s life for the life of another. We’ve all heard of the mother or father who dies defending the life of their child, the soldier who falls on a grenade to save the lives of his squad.  In the recent tragedy at Virginia Tech, Professor Liviu Librescu defended his students with his life in order that they might survive. These people aren’t martyrs, denying their own needs to satisfy someone else’s. I believe they are acting from true love, from a full cup.

 

When I wrote the aphorism that begins this posting, I was in a transition phase in my life and in a “sort of” relationship that simply wasn’t working.   I came to the realization that I needed (or believed I needed) this other person – and that I was operating from the belief that he should and would give me what I needed. He would love me, would complete me, and would be the one to fill my empty cup. That’s when the light bulb went off and I realized I was sending a powerful message to the Universe, but not the one I wanted to send.

 

In essence, I was saying that I was incomplete, empty and needy. Not exactly the most attractive qualities. I thought about the old saying that tells us to be loved we must first love ourselves. And the one that says to receive love we must give love. Tired old clichés? Not at all!  Rather, the very definition of a full cup.

 

Now I still love to sing a great torch song, filled with yearning, burning desire for the one that got away.  But I secretly smile inside because the love I felt and still feel for him fills my cup. I shared it with him and I share it with others, including my current partner, my Mom, my cats, my friends and my clients every single day.  I keep that little saying up on my bulletin board where I can see it. It’s a reminder that if I fill my cup, I am in love and I am never in need of anything.

  

Love and peace,

Dona

 

Destiny Tarot® Copyright 2007 by Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.