Yes, break-ups hurt. Yes, we can love and desire someone long after they’ve gone, and we may wonder why it didn’t work out the way we hoped and planned. But if obsessing about the person who’s gone would bring them back – or would bring them back faster, I’d be the first one urging everyone to jump on the Obsession Express and I’d most probably be holding a first-class ticket for that train myself. Or maybe I’d be the engineer, wearing one of those cute hats.

But it doesn’t work and worse, it can create a brand new sub-set of problems for us emotionally, spiritually and energetically. 

Today I read for a client whose relationship is on the skids. Without breaching confidentiality or sharing personal details, I will say that the reason things are breaking down (and breaking up) is an all-too-common story and that it comes down to some core requirements for a healthy relationship: mutual respect, honesty, healthy boundaries and equity. I use the word equity rather than equality because partnerships are frequently unequal, but good partnerships remain fair.

Notice I didn’t mention love? That’s not an oversight. Oftentimes it’s not that the two people in the relationship don’t love each other. It’s that the way they love and express love doesn’t match up to the other’s expectations, needs and desires. And if it doesn’t look like love to us, then it’s not. For most of us in most circumstances, perception is reality.

When I read for someone, I can and will answer questions about his or her ex to the best of my ability, and I will share those answers honestly. However, many years of experience have taught me that there is a reason exes are exes, whether the relationship is ever rekindled or not.

Obsessing about or focusing on an ex is a way to keep from moving forward with your own life.  Focusing on whether or not he or she will ever return is detrimental to your health, happiness and well-being, and on some level, keeps you “waiting” – in the worst sense of that word; on hold, stagnating, and postponing life in the present.

If a person is not “here and now”, and if a relationship has ended (temporarily or permanently); I believe there is something else or someone else for you to be doing or meeting, experiencing, and enjoying. If the relationship was a mutually happy, functional, healthy, loving one, it would not have broken up.

If one or both of you no longer loves the other, it is very unlikely you will reunite. If one or the other of you was not “in love” to begin with, or if falling “in love” (the initial attraction, infatuation or lust) didn’t evolve into loving, it’s also unlikely you will reunite. If your “karmic contract” was fulfilled, or at least fulfilled for this lifetime, then it’s unlikely you will reunite.  These things are not always completely known to us all at once, but clarify over time and while very few things in life are completely impossible, many are highly improbable. So in the meantime – live and love in the present.  Look at the gifts offered to you today, in the here and now, and embrace them. Welcome the present and focus (not obsess) on living your life in it. Whatever happens then will be in alignment with your highest good and truest happiness.

Love and peace,

Dona

Destiny Tarot® Copyright 2007 by Dona C. Murphy. All rights reserved.