Closure........
I came across a message board on aol about relationships and one of the biggest complaints on that board was people complaining that either the other party had ended it in an inapproproiate manner or they had not achieved closure on the relationship and were waiting for it from them. And my favorite quote from a book I highly recommend is * Some people do not have have relationships, they take hostages* and the name of the book is Calling in the One by Katherine Woodward Thomas. But it is true, we have our expectations but we as human beings have to remember that people will not always meet them nor is it their duty to do so and we cannot hold the people we have relationships with hostage to our expectations. A hard lesson to learn, but a fact nonetheless.
I of course, felt the need to chime in and say first of all there are no right or wrong ways to end a relationship...... there are no rules of engagement for that sort of thing and like it or not people handle things differently. I personally would not like to hear, I did not do it in bed for that person, or my arse was too big, or whatever the *reason* was it ended, I just want to hear it's over and that's all I care about. I suppose it's easier to be the dumper rather than the dumpee, unless they demand their closure from you :-) And boy is that a hard one, well let me see, why do I want it to be over, well that's just a conversation I will avoid like the plague.... Sorry, it might not be the right thing, but I have not ended that many relationships so it's not like I am an expert at it.
Sometimes they do not say it's over, sometimes they just *act* like it's over, and then you have to listen to the actions and even if we do not like those actions they might harder to hear if the words are saying what we want to hear.
Sometimes when we can look at a situation without the emotions, we can see, truly see, that it might be best to seek closure and peace about a situation on our own rather than give power to another by waiting for it from them. It really is all about our boundaries. What if they are unable to give us that conversation that we seek? What if they are passive agressive and avoid taking our calls? What if they avoid our emails ? I say their actions are speaking louder and you should not call or email again, they are either unready or unable to deal with us and our messy emotions, and so are avoiding us..... that is easier for them. And we have to understand that. A harder thing yet is for us to learn to control our emotions and to say what we mean & mean what we say and only choose to deal with individuals who do the same .......just a thought.
Joan