Closure....
I
came across a message board on aol about relationships and one of the
biggest complaints on that board was people complaining that either the
other party had ended it in a bad manner or they had not
achieved closure on the relationship and were waiting for it from them.
And my favorite quote from a book I highly recommend is * Some people
do not have have relationships, they take hostages* and the name of the
book is Calling in the One by Katherine Woodward Thomas. But it is
true, we have our expectations but we as human beings have to remember
that people will not always meet them nor is it their duty to do so and
we cannot hold the people we have relationships with hostage to our
expectations. A hard lesson to learn, but a fact nonetheless. In reality the word closure is one of those new ones added to the dictionary in the past few years such as google etc....
I of course, felt the need to
chime in and say first of all there are no right or wrong ways to end a
relationship...... there are no rules of engagement for that sort of
thing and like it or not people handle things differently. I personally
would not like to hear, I did not do it in bed for that person, or my
arse was too big, or whatever the *reason* was it ended, I just want to
hear or see from behavior that it's over and that's all I care about. I suppose it's easier to be
the dumper rather than the dumpee, unless they demand their closure
from you :-) And boy is that a hard one, well let me see, why do I want
it to be over, well that's just a conversation I will avoid like the
plague.... Sorry, it might not be the right thing, but I have not ended
that many relationships so it's not like I am an expert at it.
Sometimes they do not say it's
over, sometimes they just *act* like it's over, and then you have to
listen to the actions and even if we do not like those actions they
might harder to hear if the words are saying what we want to hear.
Sometimes when we can look at a
situation without the emotions, we can see, truly see, that it might be
best to seek closure and peace about a situation on our own rather than
give power to another by waiting for it from them. It really is
all about our boundaries. What if they are unable to give us that
conversation that we seek? What if they are passive agressive and avoid
taking our calls? What if they avoid our emails ? I say their actions
are speaking louder and you should not call or email again, they are
either unready or unable to deal with us and our messy emotions, and so
are avoiding us..... that is easier for them. And we have to understand
that. A harder thing yet is for us to learn to control our emotions and
to say what we mean & mean what we say and only choose to deal
with individuals who do the same .......just a thought.
Joan