Don't Lie to me.... The Mirror Does not Lie
Have you Learned to be Honest with YOURself? Have you learned to look in the mirror and be honest ? It is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
Boy is that a hard thing to do in a relationship context. Are you having to work too hard to make this happen? Is there panic after you have seen him and now you do not have plans to see him again? Do you panic when you call him and he does not pick up? Do you call and keep calling if he does not pick up right away? Do you have to manipulate things to get to see him? Are you being honest with yourself about what you want in this? Are you settling for crumbs? All of that activity increases focus on a situation, it increases panic, it increases the tension which people can pick up and while they might not be able to put their finger on what the tension is it can make people uncomfortable and make them pull back. Is any relationship worth selling yourself out for ? Worth settling? Worth your own self esteem? Believe you me it will cost you in the long term.
Try to just let it be, try not to allow that panicked feeling to affect you, it is not normally the reality of the situation and try to have faith that if you just leave it alone that the person will seek you out, will put the effort and energy into the relationship. If you have to insinuate yourself into the life of someone then it is not an equal partnership, it is not reciprocal, and you are training them badly that if they just passive agressively go along with you as long as it suits them to do so. And that pattern will continue and the longer it goes on ( you doing all the work and your resentment building because you are doing all the work) the harder that pattern is to break.
Like an older brother of mine once said *I'm just a boy who can't say No!* SO if you do all the work, they can just sit back and allow it to happen without taking responsibility for anything.....
There is no shame in admitting this to yourself, there is shame in allowing it to continue and the price you end up paying is expensive on your soul because you KNOW that you are selling yourself short.
You do not even have to admit this to anyone else because you might not be ready to but admitting it to yourself is the first step and that first step is the most important one....
Joan