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# re: I wonder if........ @ Wednesday, August 06, 2008 5:27 AM

Dear Joan:

I believe during our struggles in life we are shown how to let go of those who no longer serve any need for us but sometimes the letting go is hard after being so close to them.  We all have to do what is best for ourselves in the long run and to make choices that will help us move forward.  Wasting energy on those who need us is not necessarily harmful but...when it stops our growth and forward movement it is harmful for our journey in life.  I know that with each lesson we have choices we must make for our own good and they can be difficult ones.  Blessings to you this day and I hope you can find some joy in all that you do.

Rosie

Rosalea

# re: I wonder if........ @ Wednesday, August 06, 2008 8:50 AM

You can only love others and be there for others when you FIRST love yourself and are there for yourself. Intent is everything...so I would answer your question by saying; doing the "right" thing for the wrong reason is a "wrong" not a right. If you are always putting out there for others to the exclusion on your own needs, desires, and goals then you are not properly valueing yourself. Is it any wonder then that when you feel you need help it is not there?

We don't live in the 1800's so its silly to feel the need to "prove yourself". If that is still operative in your belief systems, even though you surely did not live in those times, then I would suggest to work on letting go of the old outdate beliefs so that you are now able to live a more enriched life.

Times change and they are changing now more than ever. That calls for the need to sometimes acknowledge that you are going in a different direction than others and that the energy frequency between the two of you is no longer capatible. When this occurs it is best not to judge it as right or wrong but that it is just time to acknowledge the difference and let the relationship go. In mediatation you can give it up to the universe and ask the universe to help you release the relationship. The less quilt you have about this the easier it will be. If you feel a lot of self-deprecation and guilt for some reason that a "drama" is bound to occur that will result in the end of the relationship - but possibly with hurt feelings. So, be kind to yourself, acknowledge you own growth, acknowledge what you need and feel "right" about doing what YOU need and move forward....

Dream Power

# re: I wonder if........ @ Wednesday, August 06, 2008 8:54 AM

Coming from a large family I do struggle with those kinds of things all the time and I was coming to that conclusion that it was not the right thing if as you said the intention was not right as intention is key in all things. However one cannot let the relationship go as easily when one is related :-)
Thank you rosie and dream power for your insightful comments
joan

DruidsGlenTarot

# re: I wonder if........ @ Wednesday, August 06, 2008 9:02 AM

typos galore - sorry. I meant to type that if 2 folks are no longer energetically compatible then no matter what you do - you will not get along, it will not be a balanced relationship, and it won't feel comfortable....so you've got to let it go. It's not a matter or right or wrong, just acknowledging the truth of "science" if you will. For those you care about and continue to want in your life... give them a second chance but do so by being there for yourself first. Next time they ask something of you and you can't do it/don't want to - then DON'T.  If the 2 of you are meant to be friends, trust me, they will notice the change in you and will be more helpful and they'll be there the next time you ask for help (if they CAN). And if they are not then there is your answer...time to let go

Dream Power

# re: I wonder if........ @ Wednesday, August 06, 2008 9:07 AM

DGT,  I also come from a large family - trust me, the first time it feels "hard" and ackward but that is our own inner feelings. Once you begin to stake your ground...it become easier.

With my own mother I got to the point where I had to say, taking HUGE risks, "if you continue to behave this "x" way and not honor me then I have no problem not having any kind of relationship with you." I said it and I meant it. I knew there would be complications but I figure I'd work that out in the future as needed.  WELL... she changed in her behavior toward me and we had a MUCH better relationship - enjoyable in fact.

However, my older brother who never said anything and let her bahvior just continue... she contnued to always be demeaning or demanding or disrepectful in some manner. It was a very interesting study in contrasts for me.

I wish you well in whatever the situation is that has you perplexed...

Dream Power

# re: I wonder if........ @ Wednesday, August 06, 2008 9:25 AM

Staking ground is not taken to easily by those you attempt it with :-)
I also have cut off relationships where they were not working for me, with sadness in the case of romantic relationships, and some friendships where the person could not take my need for space when I needed it. YOu are a wise person indeed Dream Power, thank you for your well wishes and I will keep my ground :-)
Joan

DruidsGlenTarot

# re: I wonder if........ @ Wednesday, August 06, 2008 11:19 AM

In doing the right thing for the wrong reason...how can it ever be wrong if you are true to yourself?  And in being true to yourself, you are being true to the One who made you, at least, in my mind...

This has been a life-long lesson for me in romance and familial relationships.  
I'm learning though, in helping others, I sometimes do them more harm than if I hadn't helped when I saw they needed it or when they asked for it.
I notice that when I help people, sometimes, they lose out on their lessons, and then their BLESSINGS, if I help them when a particular stuggle may have been put in their path so that they might prosper on the other SIDE of that struggle...
perfect examples: my sister is now 44years old, b/c she has always been taken care of--first by my mom, then my aunt, and then by me, she doesn't know how to survive on her own.  As a result, she's now kinda lost, alone, and without direction b/c everyone is "tired of carrying what they created" (if that makes sense??).  And I feel for her, I realllllly do, but how much harm did I do in "helping" her all these years??
another example: my romantic relationships, I was always doing my job AND his...so he wasn't free (or even CLEAR) to do his job--so he didn't get to honor me, and in return, didn't honor himself.
I was always trying to DO for everyone, and never realized I didn't DO for myself....I kept trying to find the love, acceptance, and respect that I owned all along.
In my travels to get closer to God (I'm Roman Catholic also), I am learning to honor Him through honoring me--and as a result, I'm able to step back and not help people so much...or hurt them so much, depending upon how you look at it.  
I'm also learning how beautiful I am--withOUT working to "fix" everyone's lives, lol.  
just my thoughts,
sol

Alphafemale

# re: I wonder if........ @ Wednesday, August 06, 2008 11:36 AM

You made some valid points sol, and for the most part I agree but I am not sure you can be true to yourself, IF you are doing the very things for others, that in doing for others you are not honoring yourself. There is a fine line and I know it can go either way but intentions are key. Honoring ourselves must come before the wants and needs of others, one cannot be a good mother if one is focusing totally on the kids and not yourself. I am glad you shared your thoughts, appreciated...

Joan

DruidsGlenTarot

# re: I wonder if........ @ Friday, August 08, 2008 7:14 AM

Ironically enough I'm going through the same struggle recently.  I've been really in a shell trying to figure out how much I should and shouldn't give.  I end up with the life sucked out of me being there for people.  With no energy to spare for myself.  Now I'm trying to figure out how you tell WHO "deserves" the little energy I have to spare. Yet, I'm feeling guilty for even going through this assessment. I am an enabler...once I've been able to accept that fact I've been trying to do better. Hermit mode isn't always such a bad thing. These eclipses have done a number on me as well.

TheVenusGenius

# re: I wonder if........ @ Saturday, August 09, 2008 11:13 PM

You can start by asking who is there for you when you need it? Is the relationship reciprocal? Does the person disapear when YOU need it? And yet they expect you to be available for them? Could you depend on that person?  Do they take from you without giving back? Do they respect YOUR need for space ? That normally helps to narrow down the list of who you should give with but ultimately the choice is always yours.
Joan

DruidsGlenTarot

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