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Boundaries

How to keep healthy boundaries in your relationships

I'd rather be....

someone's girlfriend than their secret. Let's face it, no one can treat you badly without your own permission. And when that change in behavior occurs it is quiet, insidious, and not espeically noticable at first..... or you pretend not to notice that it is you calling him/her more often, the plans get delayed or changed more often or better yet they stop calling and yet you keep making excuses to see them, spend time with them and it is you that is doing all of the work...and then you get frustrated and upset and angry...but not always at them, most often you get upset at yourself because you KNOW you are allowing this but you do not know how to turn off the emotional vacuum of need you have become....... and that pulls on their energy and that creates his/her thinking that you are needy....... sheesh, where is that switch?

joan

Published Thursday, June 05, 2008 7:00 PM by DruidsGlenTarot

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# re: I'd rather be.... @ Thursday, June 05, 2008 4:25 PM

Dear Joan:

When you began to appear needy then the dynamics change and you set yourself up to be abused.  Learning to not be a victim is skill but it can be learned.  Setting your own boundaries and making sure you do not let others cross them is the first step I think.  It can happen to the best of us however when we love someone.

Good post!

Rosie

Rosalea

# re: I'd rather be.... @ Thursday, June 05, 2008 4:30 PM

That vacuum of need appears for all of us once in a while....... and boy does that SUCK :-)
It's not even about setting the boundaries, it's about constantly re-setting them, re-evaluating them and being aware of how we feel about how we are being treated...
Joan

DruidsGlenTarot

# re: I'd rather be.... @ Friday, June 06, 2008 9:36 AM

Personally, I have never let that happen but to deal with it all the time.  It took awhile to understand it as I had no common reference.

I don't mean to sound arrogant.  It's just the truth.  If someone does not want me why should I want them?  It's amazing how the opposite sex knows this and does not even try to 'play games'or get frightened of the self-esteem.

Good Post!

Ancestral Wisdom

# re: I'd rather be.... @ Friday, June 06, 2008 10:40 AM

Sending you blessings always

Ancestor of Light

# re: I'd rather be.... @ Friday, June 06, 2008 4:46 PM

One has to have a strong sense of yourself to be like that Ancestral Wisdom. And believe you me, most of us have been through plenty of relationships without that happening and then only ONE will come along and you are in the middle of something before you saw the warning signs, I have said and thought that until it did happen to me for a while. And it's not as simple as someone not wanting you, it's more like them not wanting the kind of relationshuip you may want or not being able to give you what you want or need in a relationship. Differnt to someone not wanting you altogether, they want you but on their terms.
I am no fan of games, never have been and never will be, and since being through this I will never allow myself to get like that ever again and I find that after being through this, I can so much better relate when someone is going through same thing...
Joan

DruidsGlenTarot

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