I am ever amazed at the comments that people feel they are entitled to make, and it causes me to wonder do they ever think about anyone else EXCEPT themselves.....
I announced to a woman who I know as a casual aquaintance that I was going to give her and her boyfriend a day out ( I am getting married and a day out is an Irish expression for that) next April in Ireland. And her response to me caught me completely off guard.... She looked at me stunned and said * What about ME?* to which I replied *That's up to you and him ( name witheld to protect the innocent :-) and I have not really gotten past that.
It made me think, that EVEN if I was a little envious ( and I have had a rough 7 years relationship wise in all honesty) I would NEVER in a million years begrudge ANY one's happiness. There is enough misery in the word and enough people who are unhappy that when one sees that a couple that are happy (even IF I was a little envious because I was not in the best place, that is MY own silent opinion and I will be mannerly enough to keep that to MYSELF) and I would be able to wish them with honest intention happiness. I am just a little stunned that someone could not do the same for me. But that will not effect my reactions to the happy news that I am given by anyone....
And last summer another casual aquaintance ( that I had gone out of my way to introduce to the first man she had a DATE with in years, and they are now STILL dating) made a similiar remark that STUNNED me. I told her that I was going to be careful and take my time before I was intimate with a man who had broken my heart badly several years before. I told her that I wanted to take it slow and wait to be intimate with him since I know that once you are intimate as a woman we tend to get deeper feelings for them to which she responded *ONLY prostitutes sleep with men they do not care about* After a stunned silence, I responded that I would make a lousy prostitute since I had not had sex in 5 months :-)
Then that causes me to think...... did I expect too much from them? Am I going to judge them for their slips of the tongue? Had they meant what they said OR was it just their frustration about things not going the way they wanted them to in their own lives and projecting it on to me? And if that was the case, should I quietly forgive them as if I did not, I was giving them free rent in my head as I and most people are wont to do with unresolved issues or situations and people we are not ready to let go of.
Can I learn from this and confront quietly and firmly when I feel offended? I know that the woman I announced that I was getting married to may herself want that from the man she is with, and I EXPECTED her to be happy for me but she was not able to give me that, I will try not to judge her for that but will tell her that she hurt my feelings when she said that to me. I know that the woman who made the prostitute remark, obviously has many issues ( we all do) from several conversations with her and what was said was mean spirited, petty minded and judgemental.
Ultimately that is her own fear and her own issues but when they are projected onto me, I must choose NOT to accept that issue and hand it back in a nice way.
I am just using what people say and how they react to certain news or situations to LEARN and GROW and know that it was not all about me, it was more about them, and knowing that while it may not eliminate the fact that someone was mean or hurtful, I can move past that and learn from it.
Who or what in YOUR lives are projecting their own fear, their own judgmental issues onto you? Do you choose to accept that burden? Or do you work through it? Make the right choice and hand back that projected issue, and move past it learning all the while :-)
Boy this learning stuff is hard isn't it?