Lost in Translation......
When the words do not match the actions...things can get lost in translation...
The Passive aggressive man is a perfect example....
He says he does not want a relationship.....now that word can mean different things to different people...
Being passive aggressive in these kinds of cases normally gets the mans/woman's needs met and can lead to frustration to the woman....
What I don't want a relationship normally means the man/woman is saying is...
*I am not willing to give you all the normal things that go along with relationships*
I am not willing to explain where I am or who I am with to you.
I am not willing to be monogamous with you.
I am not willing to see you daily or nightly.
I am not willing to call you daily, or contact you daily.
I am not willing to tell you if I was with someone else.
You MAY complain BUT if you are still sleeping with me, I cannot take your grumblings seriously.
I only have to wait a day or two, you will have calmed down, I can call you then and we can resume.
I KNOW you want more.
I KNOW you are willing to *put up with me* because no matter how you grumble I end up in your bed.....
SO how can I take what you say seriously?
What we need to KNOW about these kinds of cases IS:
They do NOT happen overnight....
You played a part in allowing it to grow into that pattern.
Your fear is allowing this to continue how it is because you are afraid of losing this person.
It is not only HIS words that need to match his actions....YOUR words also need to match your ACTIONS.
At times you must be willing to lose something or someone you do not have in order to truly have what you want in a situation.
And it AIN'T easy.......
But Boy does your very soul love it when you draw that boundary and KEEP to it.... because what you lose by allowing it to continue when you are not happy because you are afraid is your very soul....and it can seep into the very essence of what makes you, YOU and you feel valueless....
Joan
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