Naughty but VERY FUNNY :-) Again APOLOGIES if it offends
This was sent to me by my sister who lives in Holland :-)
SMARTASS
ANSWERS 2008
The last one is a worthy
winner.
6th
Place
It was mealtime
during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like
dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she
replied.
5th
Place
A flight attendant
was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man
approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat
and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said,
'Sir,
I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
4th
Place
A lady was picking
through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't
find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant,
'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, ' I'm
afraid not, they're dead.'
3rd
Place
The policeman got out of
his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.
'I've
been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.
The kid replied,
'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman
finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
2nd
Place
A lorry driver was
driving along on a country road.
A sign came up that read ' Low
Bridge Ahead.'
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead
and he got stuck under it.
Cars are backed up for
miles.
Finally, a police car comes up.
The policeman got out
of his car and walked to the lorry's cab
And said to the
driver,
'Got stuck, eh?'
The lorry driver said, 'No, I was
delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'
SMART ARSED
ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008
A teacher at a
polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final
exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not
being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious
personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no
other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room
raised his hand and asked,
'What would happen if I came in
tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire
class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored,
the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.