Okay....
so you dated someone for a certain amount of time, what does that mean? Does it mean you OWN them? Does it mean they should be faithful? Does it mean they OWE you a relationship?
Not really...... We do not own ANYONE no matter how long we have been involved with that person....
We may want them to be faithful and ideally when we are being intimate with that person unless we have discussed that we are BOTH on the same page about being monogamous and have agreed to such no matter how much we might desire that, we cannot and should not expect that of another UNLESS it is agreed mutually beforehand...
And no one really owes us something unless it is agreed before hand that we are BOTH on the same page about the relationship, where it is going, what we can and should expect of the other....
And there lie the problems.....
IF the guy or girl has said he/she is NOT ready for a relationship, or they do not want a relationship yet... are having money, emotional or personal issues that they cannot give us what we may want ....and yet we continue to see them, spend time with them and be intimate with them.....we are telling them by our actions that WE ACCEPT their terms.......
The DANGER time in a relationship is NOT when we are apart...it is the the re-entry period as it is THEN we can re-negotiate the terms, and it is ONLY when the terms have been fully understood and accepted by both that we can and should tackle issues in a non emotional manner.
Obviously none of us like to be cheated on, lied to, misled or have our time wasted.....however our own fears are the things that can cause us to settle for less because we fear not having the person in our lives which at times makes us settle for SO much less than we want or desire... Sometimes fear makes us hold onto things or situations that are not ours to begin with.....
It can also be difficult if we are waiting for a person to leave someone else to be with us. There is a difference between being unhappy and unhappy enough to leave a situation. Complications can arise and the one waiting can be the one left out in the cold despite investing time in a relationship. There may be children, property, or other excuses etc that people do not want to leave *YET* If long periods of time have gone by and still no movement, that should alert you to the fact that this person may lack the motivation to make that changes they need to in their life in order to keep their promise to you. And you have to be honest with yourself and sometimes that can mean you have to step back and show the person that you cannot and will not *wait* until you can see they are saying what they mean and meaning what they say...
Just remember men listen to actions...........women listen to words...
so if your words match your actions and your actions match your words while not engaging in DRAMA, emotional black mail, manipulation and or lies ...you got nothing to worry about do ya??
Sure it IS hard work....but well worth it if you can make that break through and take that chance, cause you will NEVER know unless you are willing to try....
Joan
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