Remember the part we are responsible for ...........
in regards to relationships and how we react and respond when
others do not meet our expectations, and THAT is not easy.... we all
get upset when another lets us down, does not keep their words to
us.....so many ways we can feel let down.
We all wonder when will they call more often?
Be more consistent?
Want to commit to us?
Get rid of that other woman/man they are still involved with? (something I refuse to read on )
And wondering all of that while forgetting our own role in allowing
this to continue...or starting a pattern of behavior that has been
tacitly accepted by us in the past.
Things never just change,
most of us HATE change, we have to remember that we played a part in
causing this and we also have a major role in changing that negative
pattern... It will not just change itself. I always compare that to a
job, now IF you had a job that you could get away with working ONLY two
hours a day and get paid for eight, what would YOU do? Not much,
UNLESS, you get called on it, and get told in no uncertain terms, that
you are required to do your share of the work in order to continue to
get the benefits....
So take back your power and control by
remembering that someone will call you and be more consistent IF they
want that relationship with you. But if you let them know by your
behavior that you are willing to accept less, that is all you will get.
And IF you give in for instant gratification and call them, why do they
need to bother, you usually give in...so if your pattern of behavior
shows them by your actions no matter what your words say that you are
willing to put up with the inconsistency, YOUR actions are saying is
that you tacitly accept that kind of behavior and even if you yell
about it. Your words must match your actions. Your actions must match
your words.
While we all know that is hard during a time of silence ( most people
go into their cave occasionally and we have to respect that ) and the
worst thing someone can do is ignore you, if we remember that this
might not be about us, and give them the time and space they need, they
usually come around. But if we push them? That is not usually a good
thing.
Without giving ultimatums and or yelling one can set a
time limit for how long you are willing to tolerate no progress, and
that in some way helps us reclaim your power in the situation. We
cannot RUSH a relationship forward and someone else's time frame may
not be ours, and that can be hard, but what we are ready for, may not
be what others are ready for. And we come to many cross roads during
the course of a relationship. Trying to control it by manipulating,
drama, and other types of behavior rarely work long term and instant
gratification usually ends up crashing and burning....
Just remember the part that YOU may play in all of this and how you can
take your power back..... but things do not just CHANGE, and neither
do people....WE have the power to change and that in turn forces change
in others....
Joan