The Perfect Relationship............ well, kinda sorta.........
When you meet someone, you should feel that they want you, you can usually tell if that is the case by the way someone touches you, compliments you or looks at you. He/she should be willing to see you and not just call, or text you since there is more to the contact and it's easier to get to know them better when you are with the person. It should feel as if it is reciprocal and both of you are interested in moving it forward. When he/she says something, he/she should back up his/her words with actions. He/she should be willing to make plans and not just phone or text you.
He/she should introduce you to his/her friends, and he/she should be respectful of your friendships as you should be of his/hers. You really should not feel as if you have to change yourself to be with this person and they should like you for who you are rather than only if you do or say the things they want you to. You should feel that what you are bringing to the relationship is being balanced and matched by what they are bringing.
He/she should never make you feel badly about yourself ( no one can do that to you without your own permission anyway). Even when things are said in the midst of a disagreement you should be able to move beyond that once the argument is done with. It does no one good to hold onto or harbor resentments, so holding onto bad feelings will not solve the issue that caused the disagreement so talking things through is the best course of action for both of you and most importantly one should try to learn so that you do not have to repeat this lesson over again.
You should respect his/her boundaries as they should yours. He/she should not be asking you to account for every second of your day in order to make himself/herself feel better, and he/she definitely not block you out from contact to keep an upper hand in this relationship. Trust, privacy and independence should be an integral part of any relationship. However there is a happy medium between respecting boundaries and leaving you hanging to gain the upper hand or prove a point. Even if they make more money than you, they should not make you feel as if you are somehow worth less ( you play a part in allowing ANYONE to make you feel that way)
If you speak to them about issues that are causing you a problem and you let them know how you feel about it, and they continue to behave in the same manner, then you know there is a major issue. A relationship should be a learning opportunity to you both and while I do not agree with changing yourself to please anyone, if you tell them it bothers you when they do not call daily or whatever the issue, and they still display the behavior that you have made it clear you have major issues with, that may be a deal breaker as Dr Phil says for you. His/her being lazy or too proud should not be standing in the way of your relationship, even stubbornness on either part should not stand in the way of the growth of your relationship. You always know in your own gut, and always have signs if things are not progressing and listening to that gut instinct and reacting to that without fear and addressing those issues early is what will be best for both in the relationship.
Joan
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