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Boundaries

How to keep healthy boundaries in your relationships

The finger of blame once pointed.....
In all walks of life if there is an issue, the finger of blame is always pointed....
My parents were alcoholics, my parents abused me, my dog died...the list goes on. I do not say that in order to not validate what has gone on in the lives of others, I say that most parents do the best they can at the time ( some obviously do not) but as an adult it is healing to be able to take a step back and look at things from the perspective of our parents and know that what occured in those core relationships may not have been perfect but we can CHOOSE not to allow it to ruin our lives. We can CHOOSE not to allow it to infleunce our choices and decisions so that if things do not go well, we can then BLAME others for our own part in what occured....
 
We all have scars from our childhool, there are very few if ANY that had perfect childhoods but many chose NOT to blame others for their failures in this life.  We have the power and choice to take what we had as a childhood and make lemonade out of the lemons we may have been dealt. We have to know that as children we may not have had the capacity to make choices or do much about our environment but as adults we should learn from what happened and not focus on it, complain about it, but use it so that we do not have to re-create the same childhood for our children, therein lies the lesson.
 
As number 9 of 10, I certainly did not have the perfect childhood, far from it, but as an adult I can look at that from the outside and see those two people did the very best they could with the tools ( emotional, financial and physical) that were available to them at the time. I think having children of your own can and normally does change your perspective of everything including the job that your parents did was way better than you imagined....
 
This is just how I see it. others may not share my opinions but therein lies the beauty of the blog :-)
Joan
 

 

Published Monday, April 07, 2008 10:23 AM by DruidsGlenTarot

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# re: The finger of blame once pointed..... @ Monday, April 07, 2008 8:13 AM

Dear Joan:

You are very correct.  It all boils down to OUR choices in life and what we chose to do.  I think that we all have to still the voice in our heads that keeps us living in the past and live right now for this moment with the tools we have on hand.  Blessings to you and thanks for the excellent blog this day.

Rosie

Rosalea

# re: The finger of blame once pointed..... @ Monday, April 07, 2008 8:21 AM

The sad part is people use their past as an excuse not to live in the now... :-)
Joan

DruidsGlenTarot

# re: The finger of blame once pointed..... @ Monday, April 07, 2008 1:38 PM

No one these days has to take responsibility for their actions, they can sit at the bar, ask for another drink and sue the bartender  when they have a problem...
Such is life these days,
Joan

DruidsGlenTarot

# re: The finger of blame once pointed..... @ Monday, April 07, 2008 3:22 PM

That is true but the bottem line is we can also be responsible for what we do which  we do create  it in life so we have to be responsible at some point or let life cross us by learning the same lessons over and over again

Ancestor of Light

# re: The finger of blame once pointed..... @ Monday, April 07, 2008 3:49 PM

Some times it takes us a while to figure out that we are repeating the same lesson over again. The only people who have the ability to stretch us beyond our emotional comfort zone are the ones we care about.
Joan

DruidsGlenTarot

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