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Boundaries

How to keep healthy boundaries in your relationships

There are many differences
between men and women but one of the major differences is the communication styles of men and women.
Women listen to the words and men listen to the actions....

A woman when she is upset will threaten, cajole, yell, cry to get what she wants and the man who has stopped listening the moment the message gets too wordy or emotional. She wants to talk about the problem, and make sense of it... And YES it is confusing when the words and the actions do not match. And while we may be listening to the words and the words may be really what we WANT to hear but we need to look at the actions, and see if they match rather than reacting to the words....
A man wants to Solve the problem. he does not want to hear the depth of emotion, he does not want to see a woman upset and he will stop listening when there is too much said or there is a vacuum of neediness. And he will not listen to what is said he will watch what the woman does.
If she has threatened to finish with him and she is intimate with him too soon after the message she has sent is
I do not mean what I say, I do not say what I mean.... and the very basis of a relationship depends on a man taking a woman seriously when she speaks otherwise it can cause great difficulties and frustrations, not to mention communication problems....
Men also have the ability to compartmentalize their feelings, and women cannot do that as easily..
So say what you mean, mean what you say.....and Keep that in mind when communicating with your partner...
We cannot change others, we can only change how we are and they either change or they walk away and we cannot control that either.....

Joan





Published Sunday, January 24, 2010 8:00 AM by DruidsGlenTarot

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Comments

# re: There are many differences @ Sunday, January 24, 2010 7:01 AM

Standing by your word and carrying through with what you say. I completely agree with you Joan. Very good post.

Susan

BattingAlone

# re: There are many differences @ Sunday, January 24, 2010 7:24 AM

Without drama, threats, manipulation and or excess of emotion....
Joan

DruidsGlenTarot

# re: There are many differences @ Sunday, January 24, 2010 8:17 AM

Great blog Joan as usual.  I think that women have greater skills with communication and the style of delivery is different between males and females but the intent is still the same. Both male and female want resolution. Women are in fact the great problem solvers of the world but when it comes to the heart of marital problems the emotions that usually come into play are anger, betrayal (when cheating is involved), fear of abandonment, and basic survival. It has been proven scientifically that even if women tend to dramatize their situations they are less likely to procure a gun and end their partners life if things don't work out or to bring violence against their partners physically.

Women are basically taught that because we do not have the muscles to overpower our adversary we better be able to talk the matter through so it does not escalate into violence.  We may use our verbal skills to get our message across but as females we are less likely to put our male counterparts into a headlock to get our point across.

Women are the greatest negotiators in the world because of our ability to communicate.  In personal situations where the heart is involved however the emotions sometimes cloud the rational mind.  If a man has been cheating for example he may not really want to elaborate on how his actions destroyed his partners ability to trust him.  If he has been taking his partner for granted he certainly does not want to admit he has made errors so his defense is to be silent.  The women on the other hand has been betrayed, her sense of survival is threatened and she reacts from her emotional core.

There are many ways to control the urge to scream and yell at your partner and you are correct that a lot of women use unfair tactics to manipulate and get their way but...perhaps we are failing to see that there is in fact justification in some cases.

We are different male and female and that is because we are supposed to different.  It is not a design flaw.  As women we just use different skills I believe to problem solve.  Not all women manipulate just like not all men are cheaters and each one has their own level or style of communicating.  Mixed messages as you define are given by both sexes.  Men have just learned to turn off what they don't want to hear and women have a tougher time doing that.  Learning to fight fair is a skill we all need to learn but unfortunately it is not taught in school and very seldom in the home.  We learn by trial and error and what works for us at the time.  

I think all marriage counselors should teach the rules of combat and how to fight fair to their clients and perhaps we would have less divorce in our society.  

I love your blogs Joan for they make us think and ponder!  

Rosie
 

Rosalea

# re: There are many differences @ Sunday, January 24, 2010 9:18 AM

While women want to talk about how they feel about a situation, and yes most of the time want to solve the problem, I have found that men just want to SOLVE it fast track style.
Rules of combat would be great solution....fighting fair can solve a lot....
Joan

DruidsGlenTarot

# re: There are many differences @ Sunday, January 24, 2010 4:19 PM

There is much power in a silent woman . . .

Little White Witch

# re: There are many differences @ Sunday, January 24, 2010 4:24 PM

I find that the more talking that goes on between people, when there is a problem, the less likely the problem will be solved, all talk and no action type of situations ensue...
Joan

DruidsGlenTarot

# re: There are many differences @ Sunday, January 24, 2010 4:32 PM

I've enjoyed your blogs and post Joan . . .

Little White Witch

# re: There are many differences @ Sunday, January 24, 2010 4:41 PM

Thank you for the compliment :-)

Joan

DruidsGlenTarot

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