When Push comes to Shove......
I remember when I wanted a man so badly that when he told me, he could not give me what I wanted, I did not want to believe him so I kept seeing him in the hopes that he would change his mind......
And I was not listening until I stopped falsely maintaining the relationship by being the one who called him, being the one that made the plans or being the one that just showed up that it was only when I STOPPED trying to manipulate, control ( passive agressively) and keep it going that I regained my self esteem because I knew in my heart and soul that I was selling myself short.
I had to learn to let it go and NOT try to control and manipulate and just let it be..... very hard to do and it was the first time anyone had ever evoked such an emotional reaction in me. But I learned from this painful experience that allowing anyone to evoke a vacuum of emotional need in you are the very people we learn the most from. The one thing we need to do is control our emotions and not allow them to have control over us.
We do not have the power to control anyone except ourselves. We sometimes also want others simply because our ego's are injured that they do not want us in the same way, or time frame that we want them in and that makes us want them more, so we need to examine Why we might want this person in the first place.
The effort and energy that we put out when we are SO focused on one person, will always mess it up, we cannot focus on someone so much that it takes all of time, effort and energy and not have it bounce back in some ways to make them *feel* it and that kind of focus is scary to deal with, kind of like a dog sensing that we are afraid of them, they might not know what makes them uncomfortable, they will just know that it does..... which may cause them to pull away......
So..... my best advice is let it go........ as they say in Ireland, what is for you, will NOT pass you by...... simple to say, hard to do...
Joan