9 Psychic Jokes I'm Sick Of
1.) Bet'cha didn't see that one coming! Whatever lame prank preceded this line, or worse, whatever terrible misfortune befell the very real person being mocked here, one thing is for sure: It doesn't take a psychic to see this old chestnut coming. Ironically, the psychic will not be surprised to hear this line. Some psychics can't or don't read for themselves, some psychics aren't "on" all the time, and none of us are omniscient. Everyone has parts of their destiny that didn't go according to plan. Sometimes, those are the lessons in life that we needed the most.
2.) Why don't you ever hear of psychics winning the lottery? Because it's not an interesting enough story? Elwood "Bunky" Bartlett won the lottery after a tarot reading predicted it. Jorma Hogbacka's psychic predicted his win. The list goes on. But if you need to be told that there's no guaranteed way to win the lottery before this joke stops being funny, here's your news flash: There's no guaranteed way to win the lottery.
3.) Why do psychics have to ask you for your name or have caller-ID? The fact that we're not omniscient is a big theme here. Actually, plenty of psychics and divination professionals can work very hard to slowly put together letters or sounds in a name or numbers that may be disorganized. But that's a pretty pointless exercise. It's like calling a plumber over to your house and refusing to tell him where the crawl space is because he's a plumber and experience should help him reason where to find it. Sure, he probably could dink around until he found it, but you're sure wasting his valuable time.
4.) If you're so psychic, what am I thinking right now? I read divination tools, not minds.
5.) Why are mediums always so large? Actually, I've never been overweight. But many Americans are. This joke is actually more sad than it is funny.
5.) Why do psychics take appointments if they should know exactly when everyone will show? Even if they do know, what happens when they know two or more people are planning on showing up at the same time so very often? Appointments sure help the business run more smoothly! But, see above mentions about lack of omniscience and pointless exercises for more reasons.
6.) Why doesn't the psychic phone network call me instead of the other way around? Because then it would be called the Telepathic Phone Network.
7.) (To a crowd of people) If you're psychic, raise my hand!
How about asking the telekinetic people in the audience? You might have better luck.
8.) Why don't all psychics win the million dollars from James Randi to prove they're psychic?
I'm pretty sure that the way divination helps people will someday be fully explained by science and I'd love to try his challenge someday to help add to the body of experiments. I'm not famous enough yet, though.
9.) Psychic fair canceled due to unforeseen circumstances! Oh, you even have a picture of a sign that says that? I don't have to be psychic to know that's not a real situation. But it's a cute promotion for a restaurant to have funny things posted outside. But, if I ever have to cancel a psychic fair, I'll be sure to make it funny like: "Psychic fair canceled because we knew you weren't going to come" or blaming an astrological event as it's destiny.
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