Ask A Witch: Acoetes in Bradenton, FL
Dear Alexandra,
I'll try to keep this short, but it's kind of involved. My girlfriend cheated on me during Beltane (I couldn't be there as I was away at college), then she made up some story about what had happened. Everyone else in the coven knew she made up some story and rumors and that she'd have to leave the coven so I wouldn't hear the rumors. I found out anyway, and she said she was very sorry, that it was nothing, that she just got caught up in the spirit of Beltane, etcetera. She also said she wouldn't keep in contact with the "troll." So I said okay, and that we'd be able to work it out.
She and I have a long history; We've been in love for years, and I didn't want to throw it all away over that. But, apparently, she lied about more than that. It wasn't just at Beltane, she kept this guy at our place for a couple of days after Beltane, and continued to keep in touch after that by phone and email. She went as far as to get another email address just to keep in touch with the guy! She had asked me to clean up the files on our computer, and I found a few messages dated after the time she said she was no longer in touch with him. This whole situation is driving me nuts!
I absolutely hate suspicion, but it's very difficult for me to trust her, and I don't know what to do. I think she may still be in contact with the guy. I also hate "control" and have no desire to set limits on what she can do, but I don't want to be in this relationship if she's still thinking about him. Some of what they wrote each other makes me doubt her sincerity towards me, and I don't want to live like that. I hope you can help me, and I apologize about the length and if this is unclear. In any case, thank you and Blessed Be.
Acoetes in Bradenton, FL
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Dear Acoetes,
Lies and betrayal are not the spirit of Beltane and I'm sorry this happened to you and her. Your relationship cannot survive if you continue to mistrust her, and you may need some third-party assistance to find a system that will allow you to communicate about whether she can truly be happy when monogamous with you. If you both are serious about saving this relationship, the two of you should go to regular couples counseling. But if you know you will not be able to trust her ever again, realize that sooner is better than later if you plan to break up, especially with your astute perception about how your own behaviour has changed in a way you do not like. Good luck to you and yours.
Light!
Alexandra
17 Dec 2002
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