Discovery - Confirmation - Empowerment

Dear Alexandra

I have been having such a hard time lately. I broke up with my boyfriend of four years. The next day, he was already seeing someone else and brought her to the club were we went to really put on a show in front of me! I did react, and now I'm not feeling so good about my retaliation. It is not like me to behave in a vengeful way, but over the course of our relationship, he put me through so much, and really, my retaliation was only a fraction of the things he has done to me. All the time he swore his love for me; he told me that I was his life, and just two weeks ago he came to my house and declared that I would see his love for me and he would prove to me how strong his love was. He said he wanted to get past the negativity and make it work with me.

Now, two weeks later, it's worse than ever and he's flaunted another woman in my face in front of our friends. I am very hurt and humiliated by this man. He did drink a lot, but of course when he wasn't drinking he was the "sweetest person" and I loved that person whole-heartedly. I have never taken so much crap from anybody and I am really questioning myself now. Why did I allow myself to be put through such an emotional roller coaster? When he came into my life, I didn't even want a boyfriend. In fact, it took him three months just to get my phone number. I was happy being me back then and was surprised to find myself in a relationship and even more surprised that it turned into such a bad experience for me.

What can I do at this point for myself? I need to get past the pain and humiliation. My retaliation in this matter was a side of myself even I didn't know existed. I need to lay it all down and move forward. I was born April 14th, 1963 and he was born July 9th,1963 if that helps. On top of all this I am fighting for full custody of my twelve year old son. I work two jobs and my full time job if very stressful right now. Sometimes I wonder how much more I am supposed to take. And, during this time, I guess I'm mad at my recent boyfriend for adding more grief to me instead of being a support to me. This has been a rough year and I'm ready for some positive changes. Do you think things will start looking up? Thanks for your advice.

Doing Hard Time in Oklahoma City, OK

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Dear DHT,

I think that many of us have been on the wrong side of the end of a long relationship, myself included. And, although I know this may sound annoying, time does heal all wounds and things will look up.

Remember how happy you were before him? You are still that same person, just with a little more wisdom and life experience under your belt. As soon as you adjust, you will learn to be happy again. Love is blind and that is why you fooled yourself for so long. This man sounds very immature and you should pity him rather than stay angry.

I'd suggest getting some regular therapy so that you can carry on with life and be ready to get custody of your son, Gods willing.

Light!

Alexandra

17 Dec 2002