Ask A Witch: Mean To Me in Santa Fe, NM
Dear Alexandra,
My boyfriend and I have been together about for years. We get along, for the most part, but I wish we could be close. I have hard time opening up to him because of the sarcastic, mean remarks he says, and I'm afraid to say things to him. He is a good man, but for all the good he does he can sure ruin things between us because of the mean things that come out of his mouth. We end up getting into a fight and he blames me for it because he hurts my feelings. I guess what I want is for him to change, accept me for who I am and care about how he makes me feel.
Thank You
Mean To Me in Santa Fe, NM
__________
Dear MTM,
That's a difficult situation to be in, and if you feel afraid, emotionally abused and unloved in a relationship, I would advise you to end it before further commitment like marriage or children. If you do not choose to do so, I would suggest that perhaps the two of you should try couples counseling to process your differences. But in the meantime, be sure to catch him as soon as he says one of those "mean" things instead of bringing it up later. Use "I" messages; instead of telling him that he is the one doing wrong. Tell him immediately something more like, "I feel sad when I hear that, perhaps you could help me by..." Focus on your feelings and what he can do to make you feel better. That way he isn't feeling attacked and defensive.
Light!
Alexandra
05 Mar 2003
About the "Ask A Witch" Column