Dear Alexandra...
Merry Meet, I consider myself to be an Eclectic. I was born into the Christian faith, but have studied many religions, only to find that I favor none. It is not that I have any disdain for religion, it is just that there is something missing for me from them. It is as if, somewhere inside me I know that they are not quite right. Perhaps it is just that I can't except them or "believe" in them. I am a very ethical, moral, and spiritual person. There has always, as long as I can remember, been this question with regards to myself; a question is not quite correct, it's kind-of a question, realization and a lot of confusing emotions and thoughts all at the same time.
"I am here, I am actually here." It is as if there is this part of me, deep inside that is not here, not of this body, the physical me, that is realizing that I am here. Its as if everyone else is suppose to be here, but I. That "I" that is not the "me" (body), is seeing me here, and that's when I get overwhelmed with confusion, emotions, clarity, fog, a sense of separation... Everything at once. I don't understand it really, I have come to live with it, almost cherishing what I feel as a uniqueness about it. This is not my question, I just needed to share it for some reason.
My question is: I am married, have two children. When I got married, I promised to allow our children to be brought up in the faith of my wife (Catholic). I stated that I would not interfere in this and would support their upbringing in this, but when they were old enough to ask, I would tell them what I believe, and that I am Eclectic in my beliefs. They both know that my beliefs differ from theirs and my wife's, this is not a problem. They will, as they grow older, choose their own beliefs. My wife is involved in her religion, and I support her. It is not returned in any fashion by her. She accepts quietly, that I am what I am, so to speak, but I believe she does so only because I have kept my beliefs to myself. I have done so, as not to cause any confusion, or conflict within the minds of our children. I don't know if I have a question or not, it all seems to be a question at times and when I came across your web-site, I felt I had to write this down. Maybe just to express it, maybe hoping for a second thought on all this.
Blessed Be.
Of The Earth in Ottawa, ON, Canada
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Dear OTE,
It is not as uncommon as you think to feel such a separation of self realization from the Earthly body. You may have noticed a common theme in many religions of striving to unite with Deity so that the realization will be in the same "place" as the self and physical form if any.
At this point, your fears regarding your wife may well be not as bad as you think. Since she is of different beliefs, she may never be able to understand where you are coming from. But she can understand that you are the person she loves and that she can respect your beliefs. It is time to talk with her about your fears, for truly in this situation it sounds like it is you who keeps yourself hostage.
Light!
Alexandra
18 Dec 2002