Keen Home  | Blog Policies  | Help
Welcome to Community Sign in | Join | Help

Using Jealousy As A Weapon

She had seen it work in a sitcom before, so she purposely took a male friend to a party at which she knew her ex-boyfriend would be seen. Her friend was aware of her plan, so she figured there would be no harm done to him. She hung off of his shoulder in plain view and spoke loudly about how blissfully happy she was with her new love. Her attempt was brazen, and certainly immature, and yet she was all out of other ideas. Does this strategy truly work?

Even in the best case scenario, your ex might perceive that you are quite happy with your new special someone, and could take that opportunity to feel free to let you know how much he or she has moved on as well! One good reason not to use jealousy as a tactic is that it might give implicit permission to your ex to find somebody new, so your plan can backfire to result in the reverse of your intentions!

In the worst case scenario, whether your new relationship is real or phony, your ex may see your attempt for what it is and decide that it is another example of why he or she broke up with you in the first place! If your elaborate new love life is exposed as a sham, the idea that you lied to hurt may be a valid reason for your ex to never speak with you again. Even if your date is a true new potential, if you are preoccupied with getting the attention of your ex, your divided attention will be neither attractive nor flattering.

Weapons are for use in war, not love. Using jealousy as a weapon is a strategy designed to cause hurt, and nobody wants to spend time with somebody who hurts them! If your plan is based on hurting someone while tempting your ex with the thrill of the chase, what will happen when that chase is over and your ex loses interest yet again? There should be more of a basis for wanting to be with you besides wanting somebody else not to be with you!

So what happened in this particular true story with the woman's ex when he saw her with another man at a party? There were no dramatic cries for reunion, nor did he recognize her desperation for what it was. Rather, he simply did not care at all. She had set out to hurt, and she ended up turning the weapon on herself to cause even more regret in her already broken heart. Jealousy should never be used as a weapon for winning back the heart of an ex. Unless you want to cause damage, put all of your weapons down.

Published Monday, January 19, 2009 3:15 PM by Earthshod
Filed Under:

Comment Notification

Subscribe to this post's comments using RSS

Comments

Monday, January 19, 2009 4:22 PM by James Vitale

# re: Using Jealousy As A Weapon

Wise counsel indeed.  It is ironic that some people think that life is as simple as a sitcom.
Monday, January 19, 2009 5:05 PM by justaskdrdonna

# re: Using Jealousy As A Weapon

it is truly a girl thing to want to make the ex jealous. it is a form of outsourcing for validation. many women want to look extra nice in case they see they ex out somewhere or they want to have a new guy on their arm because they want the ex to feel like they lost. itis harmful to the person wanting to make the ex jealous because it rarely ever works out.
Monday, May 17, 2010 6:31 PM by anakonda65

# re: Using Jealousy As A Weapon

If you need to use any kind of "weapon" to regain confidence, trust, or someone back - it's already ruined!

If the two of you are meant for each other; you should be able to talk about it openly. Not try silly games to win or repel each other... But, yes, unfortunately, sometimes we all do things like that and regret later.
Monday, May 17, 2010 6:38 PM by anakonda65

# re: Using Jealousy As A Weapon

I know jealousy has rotten many good moments in my life ... But again, jealousy only strikes or becomes visible and strong if you are given enough reasons for it to submerge and attack you.

Mainly some guys out there, purposely or not, use they extra charm to hover over girls they've met for the first time while having their girlfriend/fiancee/wife/or GF to be right beside them! That is plain rude and triggers unnecessary jealousy on the other party (which could be the guy who is being played with as well).

Not cool! I've been a victim for many years... And still am. I'm trying by myself, for myself, and from within myself to curb the urge of "revenge" and anger that boils inside of me... Mainly when you cannot even discuss about it with the one who is enabling you to that way.

Very trick thing! Haven't mastered it yet! I hope one day I'll find someone or something that will help me to learn how to ignore this feeling and to handle it better.

What do you think?

(required) 
(required) 
(required) 
Enter the numbers you see into the
field below.
(required)