Yule-Tide Family Combat Survival Guide
Happy Yule! The winter solstice heralds the renewal of brighter days ahead! However, it may get worse before it gets better for many of you since the rest of the month threatens many with dreaded Family Time Drama! I'm kicking off my festivities with this tongue-in-cheek piece on how to deal with the Holiday Family Dinner of Doom and the various passive-aggressive and downright hostile interactions that might go on over the green eggnog and ham. What sort of characters are leering at you over the table, and how do you respond to them?
"So, I'm really excited about this coming New Year because my psychic said..."
The pretentious, Atheist, grad-student cousin wipes his mouth with his napkin and sets it down, clearing his throat before announcing to nobody in particular as if you weren't even there, "I just don't understand why such a smart person would believe in all that nonsense."
"Doubt is a good thing. Think of my beliefs as a working hypothesis in progress. As long as they keep helping me, they are reinforced! Sure, there may be many who oppose my beliefs, but accepting the cultural status quo without any doubt at all is just bad science."
The maudlin mother, having too much wine with dinner, bursts into tears. "I'm sorry, honey, I'm just so scared that you're going to go to hell for rejecting Jesus!" Sniffling quietly now, she reaches for the depths of her manipulative powers. "Please, just tell me you're a Christian?"
"Mom, I love you, and I'm really thankful that you care so much about my spiritual well-being! It must have been hard to bring up something so troubling to you. But, I want you to rest-assured that I've chosen my path, and I am just as confident and fulfilled with it as you are with yours."
The Republican uncle leans over the table on his elbows, chewing a leg of turkey with his mouth open as he talks. "Well, I think y'all are crazy as a loon for all that cow pie you're talkin' 'bout. Why don't you just knock it off? Is this because that Obama is in office?"
"Um, Obama has nothing to do with anything right now. But, what I do and what I believe makes me happy, and it doesn't harm anyone. That sounds like a recipe for me for peace on earth and good will towards all, whether they deserve it or not. Hey, who wants some pumpkin pie?"