“My partner is living with someone else. When will they leave and come to me?” I hear this question and its variants many times over. Leaving all moral judgments aside, because everyone’s circumstances are different, there is one common factor I see time and again in these difficult situations.

 

A couple meets and one or other of them is in a relationship with someone else. For a while, things go well, because the attached one is unhappy in their relationship and wants to leave, but they need a bit of time to make up their minds how to make a change which is bound to be challenging, and to acquire enough security in the new relationship to feel safe enough to face the music.

 

As a result, the one who is waiting becomes impatient, insecure and starts to feel negative about their partner’s hesitations. They start thinking along the lines of, “If they really loved me, they’d be with me NOW!” Frustrations start being expressed as negativity and anger, and bitterness creeps in. Before too long the couple starts developing an antagonistic relationship that is all too similar to the one that needs to be walked away from.

 

With one sour partner at home and another waiting, the choice becomes less and less clear. “Why go through the pain of separation in order to be with someone who seems to dislike me more and more?” They become less certain and the whole cycle sinks further and further into the mire.

 

The one who is waiting finds it hard to understand what they are doing wrong. They get on the phone to a psychic, but they don’t want to hear the answer – that they are unconsciously driving away the one they love.

 

What is the solution? There is only one way to resolve an issue like this. Break the cycle. Be the person that they originally fell in love with, not the insecure, nagging, hostile person you’ve become. Harsh words? They are not intended to be. It’s the wisdom born of experience, having seen this sad scenario more times than I like to think about. If this describes YOUR situation, take a step back and take a good look in the mirror. Do you like the person you’ve become? If not, then it’s time to change things, and change starts with YOU.

 

You don’t have to do it on your own. People like me can help guide you through it. But as I’ve said before: if you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got….