One of the Top Three reasons for self sabotage in relationships is Abandonment Issues. What are the other two? I’ll get to those another time…

 

Abandonment issues begin when a child or a young adult is separated from an important loved one, usually a parent. Sometimes a parent leaves because of a marital breakdown, or dies, or has lengthy periods in hospital. To a child’s mind, this is abandonment, because children are unable to see that they are not the cause of the separation. The child “believes” that they are somehow the cause of the leaving – that something in them was “bad” and it made the adult leave.

 

Once this belief has entered the subconscious, it is there for life. The person concerned then sets out to create situations that validate their belief. They expect to be abandoned because they feel they don’t measure up, so they behave badly in order to push their relationships away. Then they can say, “Ah ha, I’m right, people abandon me!” And the pattern repeats over and over again.

 

Can it be cured? Yes and no. The underlying belief that causes the problem can never be completely eradicated, but it can be recognized and a decision made not to act upon it. This is what is sometimes called “emotional intelligence.” The button is there, it can always be pushed, but it doesn’t have to be acted upon.

 

If you have abandonment issues they won’t go away by themselves. You need to resolve them with therapy and/or self development and personal growth work. If you have had a string of failed relationships (friendships as well as love relationships) then ask yourself if this could be the cause, and start looking for solutions. It’s hard work, but it’s worth it.