Some of the negative behaviours that undermine relationships are “equal opportunity”. Both sexes are guilty of them. But DIY is a female failing, and begins very early on in a relationship. It starts like this. She has found the Perfect Man … BUT … and here’s where trouble begins….

 

She looks at her Perfect Man through the eyes of “love”, and thinks to herself, he would look so much better if he didn’t wear those old black boots. So she buys him some nice brown shoes, and because he wants to please her, he wears them. Before long she is choosing all his clothes, and although he isn’t really comfortable with her choices, he goes along with it.

 

Then she starts on his behaviour. He has this habit of interrupting … and soon Miss Manners is “helping” him to improve those too. The message she thinks she is sending is, “I love you. I want you to be the best YOU that you can be.” The message she is really sending is “You’re not good enough.” She is not offering unconditional love. She is actually trying to change him because he embarrasses her.

 

A man is not a fix it up project. He is either perfect for you just the way he is, or you should forget him. You can’t “change” him without giving him the message that he’s not good enough. Forget about DIY – if you want to change anything, change yourself! Learn to live with his comfortable black boots and his habit of interrupting, or you’ll soon be looking for a new man.