The specter of an Ex can cause the most mild mannered person to start growing Claws and Fangs. Unfortunately, once you’re past your teenage years, most new relationships come with complications in the form of Ex’s. Some of these Ex’s will go away, some won’t, so we need to develop strategies to deal with the associated insecurities that Ex’s engender in us.

 

Some points to remember:

 

  1. It’s YOU that has the problem, not them. Even though they may be the trigger for your feelings of doubt and jealousy, it’s YOU that’s ultimately responsible for your own feelings.
  2. If your new partner has children, their mother isn’t going to go away. It’s up to YOU to find ways to deal with him/her.
  3. Everyone wants a quiet, peaceful life. Don’t be the one who creates scenes and drama or you risk driving your new partner away.
  4. Your partner has chosen YOU. It’s up to you to continue being that great person whom they found so attractive. Turning into an angry accuser is not the way to keep their heart.
  5. Ex’s are Ex’s for a reason. There are ways to remind your partner why they are no longer with their Ex that don’t involve sulking or crying! Always referring to them as the “Ex” is a great start!

 

Men in particular can be somewhat naïve about the motives of women who hang about them. Rather than staging a jealous scene, make your partner feel so special that the other woman never gets a chance to interfere. Don’t let your imagination run away with you either – they very well may be “just friends”, as he says.

 

When someone is accused of a crime they haven’t committed, it is offensive and hurtful. It’s alright to quietly share the fact that the presence of the Ex causes you to feel insecure, but if your partner says you have nothing to worry about, then believe them, as you’d expect to be believed were the situation reversed.

 

The most common mistake people make when dealing with Ex’s is to blow it all out of proportion. Negative actions will reap negative rewards. Be positive, concentrate on your partner and yourself, and all will be well. Focus your attention on competing and you will help to cause the very thing you fear.